if a friend comes to you and says “a coworker has made an unwelcome and inappropriate advance towards me that makes me very uncomfortable”, that is all the info you need. the appropriate response is to be horrified for them. to tell them how sorry you are that they were treated like that. your response should be about them, not you. trust me, an UNWANTED sexual advance by a coworker is not something enjoyed. it is UNWANTED. FYI.
further complicating things, i needed space. instead of being specific, because i thought that would be more distressing, i said “maybe”, which caused a great deal of strife. instead i should have said “i am upset by this, we need to talk about this but we don’t have time between my shifts, i need some time to myself.” ok, that is totally fair, i will do that in the future.
i really really like this relationship. i really like Kyle a lot, a lot. i can still see this being the longterm thing. but, dating someone with depression and anxiety is really hard. the thoughts make it difficult to not insert oneself into all issues. but i can’t accept the explanation “these thoughts and this history make me behave this way” (not a quote). we can’t always outrun our history but we can work to behave differently. and i am getting tired of “this is the best i can do.” we can all try. we have to try or it isn’t worth it.
we did talk about it all and it went well. a good first fight where things were made clear. understandings were had. as i often say, “we just have to keep talking”.