not since high school

i haven’t consciously decided to date someone since my first boyfriend in high school.  all the subsequent boys i dated (and married) started out as a casual thing.  it is weird how liberating deciding to date someone is.  i feel like it is ok to express how much i enjoy his company. previously i felt it necessary to keep a distance as they weren’t REALLY partners (well, patrick was once we married).  now i can be sure that we are a pair because we talked about it out loud. we talked about communicating.  how he has a poker face and in the past i have not received feedback on how my words and actions impacted my partners.  he is going to try and give me feedback. we can at least talk about it and agree at a meta level.  that is an improvement.

i had rsvpd yes to BBQ last week. kyle was going to attend with me.  i told my therapist that i wasn’t really looking forward to it because, besides the host, I only knew other attendees vaguely.  socializing would be an effort.  she said “then don’t go.  stay home and hang out with people you don’t have to work so hard to be with.  fine idea. kyle brought ove the corn dip he made for the party and we ate that and I baked pumpkin pies.  it was a lovely evening.  I need to remember i don’t have to attend all events, even if I really like the host.

sherwood forest Faire last weekend.  always a nice walk in the park with friends.  my outfit was popular because of all the boob.

mom arrived this week.  nervously excited.  ross is in town from Alaska and wants to meet her.  that’ll be odd.

i need a holiday. and curly hair.

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