i did the grocery shopping.  but now i have to chop stuff and make my snacks and i really just want to sit on the couch, with my cat, and watch Murdoch Mysteries.  the idea of sitting on the couch and watching tv is quite attractive to me these days.

so, on Murdoch Mysteries there is a character named george.  he is a constable (the show is set in Toronto in the late 1800/early 1900s).  he always has these crazy ideas…that turn out to be real products that would have made him a very rich man.  in the most recent episode i watched, he and a fellow constable were painting a photograph by numbers and he states one could great kits like this and sell them.  the constable he is working with scoffs.  they are a cute recurring addition to the show.

so, i told boytoy that i didn’t want to sleep together if he visits town.  i feel bad, sort of.  i mean, i like ross, but i don’t feel comfortable with my place in his life and how i have been treated.  more than that, i am trying to change the sex i have.  over the course of our relationship i have offered him support, unflinching.  and i mean that.  if he needs a home, somewhere to recuperate or hide for just a little while, i am happy to extend that.  i am MORE than happy to be a shoulder to cry on.  but i can’t be a naked body to snuggle next to.  it isn’t good for me, and ultimately, i don’t think it is good for him.

i did have a fabulous date this week.  i had a conversation with a friend in the goth scene about how hard it is to date in one’s forties and he had a similar conversation with this fellow.  so he connected us.  we chatted via Facebook for a week or two and went out to dinner on friday.  he keeps late hours which makes it easy for us to talk.  he went on a business trip and then visited family in manhattan.  it is easy to converse with him.  he asks me questions.  that is one of the issues i find in dating.  men talk, but they don’t ask any questions.  i find myself asking the questions.  this is more balanced.  he has some secrets, or so it seems from what he doesn’t seem to be sharing.  but most people do.  i generally don’t have secrets, but i think it is natural that most people do.  he offers too much too soon.  at least, he does for me.  he thought i was hinting at wanting him to bring brunch to the office, but i was just sharing what my coworker marie and i had been talking about.  he had previously admitting trying to think of something to bring to my coworkers and me at st. david’s. which is too much too soon for me.  if people start a relationship offering so many gifts and favors, it feels weird when one gets on in their relationship and these things slow down. i like to start slower.  i am an independent girl.  he is a good kisser.  there is promise.  i have started to ask around, no one can give me much detail so far.  he is attractive.  we will see.

i really need to start chopping things.  i really just want to go to sleep. i think i may go to sleep and then wake up early and chop.  will that work?