a few weeks ago i went to elysium and they were having a special event.  it was a “reunion” for a club called Ohms that operated in austin in the mid-90s.  and it was magical.  i walked into the club and closer was playing.  they have used black plastic vinyl to make the place darker.  the music was AMAZING.  seriously.  it made me so happy.  other old goths and i complained about how clubs weren’t this good anymore.  and i danced and danced and danced.  and then i thought to myself, how i wish i’d had a lover i could go home to.  NOT a boyfriend, but a lover.  like i used to.  it was the perfect night to go out on the dance floor, sans boyfriend, and then go home and have sex with someone not complicated.  i miss that.  the not complicated.  when i started sleeping in andreas, it was for sex.  i broke my rule and ended up in a relationship with him.  THAT didn’t end well.  michael, in SF, didn’t end badly, but it didn’t happen like it was suppose to.  and boytoy.  it has seen too many phases and i miss the first phase, stress relief.  perhaps that is what is best for me?  perhaps i should find a new lover and put and end date.  say, 6 months.  you get the new relationship energy.  you get fresh sex.  you don’t have to talk complicated issues.  perhaps everyone isn’t the committed relationship type?  i don’t think poly would make it better, because you still commit to someone(s) in poly relationships.  i just want to end the night with sex.  perhaps breakfast but certainly no more.  i am too busy for more.  i doubt seriously my therapist will approve of this.  but the last song they played at the club was “how soon is now?” and i would have been nice if had been right then. (if only for a couple of months)