a week, or so ago, i had 2 nightmares. one after another. ruined my day to say the least. i didn’t leave bed for hours. really wished i had a cat that would cuddle me. boytoy came over and went to the grocery store with me. the first nightmare was nursing school. i went to talk to one of my teachers and ended up on a bus of second years. they were going to a special clinical. i tried to tell them i wasn’t a second year but they wouldn’t listen. they said i had to stay and do the assignment. i tried to tell them i wasn’t qualified but they said it didn’t matter. they said i had to do the assignment and if i didn’t complete it i would fail out of nursing school. i was understandably distressed. normally i can control my dreams. i know when things are silly and i need to change something, but this time i couldn’t. so i wake up, i am not happy, and i go back to sleep. THEN i have another nightmare. this one i am at the house in santa barbara and the water doesn’t work. i try to tell my mom but she won’t listen. i NEED the water to work so i can go do something really important. it won’t work if i don’t have the water first. but she won’t listen, she keeps walking away, she keeps ignoring me. it feels horrible. i am going to fail at something (not sure what it was) unless the water comes back on and my mom won’t help me, she is going to let me fail and i don’t understand why. same with the nursing school instructors. i woke up from the second dream and could not believe the horrible sleep. i felt mean. i avoided everything, was supposed to help a friend organize, but just couldn’t. seems like it was a dream where my self-conscious was trying to tell me i am not in the control i think i am. but why so brutal? and what control? part of me thinks it is about boytoy. the non-defined nature of our relationship. i don’t think it is work. or castle black. maybe my health or weight? i didn’t like it. i should eat right and do yoga and not spend money. then it would narrow the lack of control. i hope i don’t have nightmares like that again.