you have the H2O car wash to thank for this post.  it is going to take 2.5 hours to detail my car.  and OH does my car need it.  i so look forward to not having my car be my mobile office.  how soon is that, you ask?  well, as of Nov 14th actually.  see, i start on the 5N med-surg floor at St. David’s Medical Center on Nov 17th.  “but heather, you LOVE being a hospice nurse!”  yes, yes i do love being a hospice nurse.  i love my work.  but i hate my job.  and i can’t take it anymore.  it isn’t that i can’t do the job, it is that i find my work place hostile.  my boss was chewing me out for something, even though she wasn’t listening to what i had to say, and i finally asked her to say something good about my work, tell me something i do well.  her response?  “you have asked that before and i find it manipulative and i don’t appreciate it.”  seriously?  does she not know anything about employee motivation?  is this REALLY how she manages people?  well, at that moment i decided i needed to find another job.  amusingly in the last couple of weeks my work has been “perfect”.  they are happy with me as they were the first 3 months.  because “you were great the first 3 months for the last 3 months, frankly, your work has been terrible.”  seriously?  wow.  anyhow, applied for the job at St. David’s on a Friday.  Recruiter called me Tuesday at 1130.  we talked a bit and she said she was going to forward my app to the director of the floor.  said that one of them would call me and if i didn’t hear by thursday to call the recruiter back.  she called me back at 1430 THAT day.  said they wanted to interview me this week.  interview Friday at 1100.  offer at 1530 that day.  it is a top 100 hospital and the top rated Med-Surg floor in austin.  i am sort of intimidated, actually.  but i expect to learn a lot too.

have i mentioned i am not interested in sex anymore.  it feels weird.  of course i have gained 10 lbs. and lost virtually all muscle i had.  and my hair falls out in clumps.  and my hematocrit has been consistently low lately.  went for my follow-up GYN appointment yesterday and convinced the NP to give me a TSH and A1C blood test.  we will see.  changing jobs will help.  i don’t eat consistently and i never feel like i get enough sleep.  and the stress level…well, with a boss like that…  weird thing is i don’t even miss the sex.  ME, HEATHER ATHENA (HAYS, OWENS) BLACK does miss sex?!  yeah, there is something wrong.  i have gone back to seeing my therapist as well.  i needed to make sure the way my boss was treating me was truly inappropriate.  i was worried something was wrong with me.  but it was true, what she said was cruel.  and being a homeowner.  any money.  any school.  weird thing is that i have always had no problem dealing with it all.  but now i can’t.  i think it is the physical thing.  that my general unhealthy body takes the extra energy that i need to handle it all and still enjoy life.

blah blah blah.

everything is within my control.  there is just so much going on.  i have taken steps already, got a new job.  but i still have 3 weeks at HA (my boss was out sick when i gave notice, so i went to the clinical coordinator.  her on comment once she read my letter was “our policy is 4 weeks notice, it is in the employee manual.”  i responded i would ask my new employer.  i had hoped they would say no, but they said their completely understood.)  last night i sat on my couch and caught up on some tv shows (i watch: Blacklist (as should you), Castle, How to commit murder, Forever and Sleepy Hollow) while going through old magazines.  it was awesome.  i should do that more often.  (and with my new job i will be able to do just that!)  i just need time to come down from it all.  i really like my patients, even the non-compliant ones.  but it does just takes it out of me driving around for 9+ hours a day.

what would i like to see happen in my life?
-fitness
-healthy, regular eating habits (i eat SO sporadically!)
-loving companion
-position where i feel supported and am learning to be the best nurse possible
-peace on earth, or at least americans starting to vote in their own best interest

most of those things above i have the complete power to make happen.  i’m working on it.