Daily Archives: October 13, 2013

today sucks

i have a flat tire (i thought this would be a good financial month)
optimus prime keeps peeing on the club house mattress (i hate that cat)
i called it quits with boytoy (yes, it was my idea, but it still hurts because i love him)

today sucks.

warmth

my ex-mother in-law commented on my last blog.  that makes me super big smile!

we are having this amazing thunderstorm right now.  you know, a texas thunderstorm.  it is SO beautiful.  and i am in my loft, snuggled into my pillow thrown.  i even have a piece of pie.  the only thing that could make this better is someone to snuggle with.  i am not sure what it is about rain that makes it better if you have someone there with you.  but it is.  this is why i am making a change.  to find someone who wants to be there.  someone who is there.

i have written a bunch of the people i used to work with in germany.  i found them through linkedin.  i got the most wonderful compliment from the man who was head of IT while i was there.  when he heard i had become a nurse he said, “Wow. Your sense of independence and resolve is admirable.”  that made me feel warm.  and i guess that might be why people tell me how amazed they are by what i have done, changing industries as i have.  because i did it for me and i got it done.  i guess, since it was so miserably hard, i don’t think of it as being as great as other people do.  maybe other people think they would have just given up.  had i failed out of school, i probably would have given up.

i know the right person is out there for me.  i just have to find them.  and then i hope it rains.

welcome to the new heathershair

my site got hacked.  sent out TONS of spam.  my hosting service was totally not helpful.  so i am now hosting somewhere totally new.  it is top secret though.  of course, i have to rebuild things now.  and that will take a while.  i need new men in my life too.  as much as i adore those that were on my page…most of them live VERY far away.

ANYHOW…

i’ve been a hospice  nurse for a little over 2 months now.  and i love it.  and i am good at it.  i have learned TONS about disease and treatment.  i have been a part of a number of people’s lives.  it has been wonderful.  i have found my place and it feels great.

i need a relationship change.  i am going to make that change.  it has been terribly discouraging lately trying to meet men who are potential partners.  most of the single men my age have kids.  i don’t want to be a step-mom.  those a bit younger than me what to have kids still.  i suppose i can wait them out and see who is still available in a couple of years.  which is a terribly depressing thing to even think.  but the last 2 men i have been excited about have both wanted kids.  and i can’t do that.  not now.  i have a great life these days, and yet i feel lonely.  and that seems stupid.  part of it could be the families that i become a part of for a little while during care for my pts.  i really do sort of join their family.  i hear the good and the bad.  i struggle with them.  i hug them, i laugh with them.  i haven’t cried yet.  but mostly that is because i have a job to do when i get there.  and i concentrate on that.  money is leveling out.  life is good, but i am lonely.

i think i am getting really old.  because i am getting really boring.

going to an adventure party tonight.  we are supposed to bring an object and then make up a story about the adventure we went on getting said object.  i want to tear up some clothing, roll in the dirt, then fall against the front door.  when they open the door i will fall in and tell them to close the door quickly, the natives are after me.  when they ask why i will say, “because i stole their sacred religious icon” and hold up a starbucks cup or some other commercial item.  guess i should get on that…