driving all the way to temple has something to do with it.  but working 12 hours, which ends up being at least 13, is really exhausting.  i don’t get tired WHILE working, even on days where i only got a couple hours sleep the night before.  it is a go-go job and i really like that about it.  but when it is over, sheesh, destroyed is the best word.  HAPPY but destroyed.  and that is really it. i am HAPPY for the first time in a million years!  getting pulled over, going to the emergency room, doing the math and realizing i am going to miss a payment somewhere, don’t bring me down.  because i am HAPPY.  TONS of aggravations in my life right now, but i am doing something that means something to me and stimulates me every day.  seems like that is what it takes to make me happy.  of course, i want to solve my health problems and my money problems, but i am starting from a happy point.

i think part of it is the sense of accomplishment.  i DID something.  i lost my job, i retrained, i started a new career.  a new career i like A LOT!  some would say i have done a lot in life.  and i agree that i have had a lot of experiences.  but becoming a nurse is something *I* have done (with support, but only i could take the tests).  even my biggest project at HP, i didn’t feel like i did it, i feel like i facilitated the people who REALLY got the work done.  good leadership IS important, but the worker-bees make it really happen.  THIS i made happen.  and being a nurse, i make things happen every day, on behalf of my patients.  it feels good, really really good, to call a doctor to get a med for a patient who is itching or in pain or who has a low BP or whatever.  it feels GREAT to help them start ambulating (med nerd speak for walking) after surgery…moving towards being strong and going home.

i still need to find my nursing fang shui.  and everyday i get better at it.  whether to do my complete assessment first thing, or just vial signs and then check the chart and go back.  just need to figure out what works best for me.  can’t wait for that moment when i feel it.  can’t wait to be able to take shifts because they need more nurses and i am functioning at the same efficiency level as my fellow nurses.

still trying to figure out the best solution for multi-working days.  i really don’t want to sleep in temple.  i want ONE home and ONE bed.  but having to get up at 4:40am to get to work, sucks.  and i will have to leave even earlier when i start on nights.  evening traffic on I35 sucks.  and then there is food.  i just can’t seem to find the time to cook.  as things get more organized (i did 3 years worth of filing today) i should have more time, but the fact remains my food isn’t that exciting.  i am seriously considering one of the good food services in town.  when all is said and done, they can probably make it at only a slightly higher cost and certainly better.  it means i would eat right too.  just seems like i should be able to feed myself better.  you know, being an adult and all.  then again, why fight the truth.

and now for all the things that have gone wrong lately…that i don’t particularly care about…
-got a ticket for a california stop the day i took the NCLEX
-got pulled over for driving too close, on my way home thursday night (didn’t get the ticket!)
-left leg edema (swelling) that, 21 days later, is still not normal
-healing REALLY slowly…never a good sign
-the capo jumped over my iPad while i was reading, it feel against my lip and cut it (hurt and still isn’t completely healed)
-the school that i will be attending for my BSN won’t send the feds a letter that i am enrolled until Sept…which means i have to pay on my student loans for 3 months (which i can’t afford)
-tax return got push back and now they are taking their sweet-ass time (and i really need that money)
-front tooth crown fell out while i was eating french fries.  going to got $2500, minimum, to put in an implant

but, you know what?  it doesn’t bother me so much.  ’cause i am coming from a great place.  i am a nurse.