in sickness and in health

before i left san francisco, i had a panic moment. i acquired strep throat and it took TWO courses of antibiotics to kill it. i was miserable. mostly i am an illness denial person, but when i am really sick, i become a complete wuss. TOTAL wuss. patrick came over to my apartment to make sure that i ate. i said to him, “what if i get sick like this in austin? i don’t know anyone. who will help me?” he replied that i made friends easily and if i was that sick he would come down a take care of me. that made me feel better. but now i am sick, really sick. it is unbelievable how fast this came on. i feel miserable. i don’t want to move or eat. i want someone to take care of me. this is the moment i really miss a partner. i mean, i miss love a lot too. but it would just be really nice to have someone here to pet me and tell me i was going to get better. of course, i doubt, if i were still in san francisco, that patrick would be willing to come over and take care of me anymore. and when i got a 48 hour stomach bug a few years ago, andreas was really awesome. and boy toy has offered to come over this weekend and nurse me. and if i were in DIRE need for help, i can think of a number of people i could call. and yet, i would certainly be nice to have my own nursemaid. when a friend had a outpatient surgery, i spent 2 days at her house to make sure everything was alright. if i heard a friend was sick, i would totally offer to go to the store or come by to see them. is that weird? i would be proactive in helping them. is that too much? that i would like that in return, is that having an unreasonable expectation? boy toy lives almost an hour south, so obviously i wouldn’t expect him to zoom up here during the week. but maybe some friends i have in town? yes, i know you have to let them know. but most of them know. i dunno, this friend behavior hierarchy thing is starting to look like a root in my life’s dissatisfactions. i’ll have to contemplate it more. (oh, my new friend peter did bring me soup last night when i posted a request on FB. that was super-duper awesome of him!)

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