not so much.  though part of me wonders whether it was the person.  when i arrived, she came down from her office, reached over to take my pre-work paper and said “i’m going to read this and be right back.  you know where the restroom is.” to which i replied, “uh, no i don’t”.  she pointed around the corner and walked up the stairs.  when she came back to get me, she gave off a sense of annoyance.  we walked to her office, which was nice, but the white noise machine was too much.  she commenced by saying “people usually have the same questions, so i am just going to answer them”.  she then read, listlessly, from a page: “will i cluck like a chicken? will i share my deepest secrets? will i lose consciousness?” it was amusing, though these were not the questions i would have asked.  then we started talking about my background, why i was there.  and she started arguing with me.  i have anxiety.  nursing is very different than finance in high tech.  nobody dies if you mess up finance.  i want do things right.  our teachers always break us down, they never encourage us.  i realize i am not a moron, but this is totally new ground to me.  we talked a lot about how i learn.  i am not sure how i learn, thus i am not sure how to study.  it seems like i am an auditor learner.  with my poor eyesight i am certainly not a visual learner.  but what does that mean i should do?  perhaps i should listen to the lectures over and over.  but with cardiology, the teacher made so many mistakes.  many of us got so confused we had to stop listening and teach ourselves.  so how does that work?  if someone were to tell me what i should do, i would do it, i just don’t know what to do.

she then recommended that i take a full 10 session either paying for each or paying in advance for a discount.  i replied, “i don’t know what we are going to do yet.”  she didn’t seem to like that.  she told me what hypnosis wasn’t, but she didn’t tell me how it would work.

she put some glasses on me that had blinking lights in the inside.  i also had headphones.  she started, basically, i guided meditation.  first problem, i was supposed to think of a calm and comfortable moment.  a place i felt safe.  and i could NOT think of anything.  of course, i was supposed to take this wonderful, safe feeling and magnify it in my head.  huh?  how exactly do i do THAT?  “feel you legs filling with liquid cement.”  uh, not so much.  finally, near the end i thought of two moments when i felt calm and comfortable…savasana.  in germany under my very ungerman yoga instructor i had an out of body experience.  then here in austin i went to yoga barely able to stand and finished feeling like i had slept 10 hours.  of course, what i started thinking was…i need to do yoga not hypnosis.  but seriously, how do i magnify a feeling of comfort 30 times?  how does that work?  i am cerebral VERY cerebral, but still, does that even make sense?  perhaps for people that easily find comfort, but not me.  i think i have a ways to go before i can access joy like that.  even my enlightenment moments on the dance floor are not “comfortable”.  they are filled to overflowing with energy.  nope, hypnosis doesn’t seem to be for me.  but yoga is.  good thing i have a groupon for that…

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