so my health insurance situation is even worse than i thought. i will not get ANY subsidy going forward. because when my UI runs out my insurance subsidy runs out. why? i get why my UI runs out. but why, because i am no longer eligible for UI, should i NOT get help with health ins? how are they related? if i don’t get UI, it is even harder to pay my health ins. $485 a month. sheesh. i am going to try and find cheaper ins. wish me luck. last time was a paperwork nightmare and i gave up (partially because of the subsidy). it is just so frustrating. it is time i don’t have to spend on stupid bureaucracy. anyhow.
i hate nursing school. all the nurses i talked to before i started said i would. and i made it a year before getting here. but i officially hate it. the process is absurd. the ANA is begging schools to change the curriculum. i totally agree. being organized would help too. not wasting students time, not reading from the slides. whatever. i just have to get through it. if i had a partner, a supportive partner who listened and proactively counseled me (without just trying to solve my problems…which are really solvable at this point) then i would have moments of joy to look forward to. moments of beauty and relaxation and hope with my partner. the belief that someone, who could make a difference, cared. lots of people care. lots of people are very encouraging. but that can’t really make a difference in my experience, beyond the confidence. which i really appreciate and i really love. but i’d like more. is it wrong to want more? i don’t think it is wrong.
i feel like a squeaky wheel. though part of me thinks of it as a mantra that gets me through. time, all i need is time. and to win the lottery.