Daily Archives: June 28, 2011

baby step

on thursday we move my stuff from belton to austin.  baby steps.  though it will all be in boxes, it will be nice to have it all in one place.  i’ll almost feel like i have a home (full homeness will come in aug when the kitties come down).  i packed today and my largest packing group was my kitchen.  which blows me away since i don’t cook.  i have a lot of ingredients for baking though.  2 whole boxes of “pantry”.

i figured out one of the things that i want as support from loved ones, you know, partners and close friends.  i’ve probably mentioned it before, but it is more formulated in my brain now.  i want proactive friends.  i want friends that check-in with me and remember that i have something coming up and then check back in with me to see how it went.  someone that calls up and says, “how’d that test/interview/presentation/date go?”  that is how i treat people.  that is how i would like to be treated.  someone i was talking to about this said that people don’t do that anymore.  i do that.  and maybe people need to start doing it again.  this electronic world allows us to have SO many interactions.  i like those interactions.  but i need deep friends too.  a couple of them hopefully.  is that so unreasonable?  i want friends that will have hard conversations with me.  friends who will take the higher road and keep at it when i fight the message.  i do that.  i try very hard.  i want people that will invest in me, as i want to invest in them.  that means the good and the bad.  with me that probably means letting me process out loud my fears and anxieties before i can move on to joy.  but i definitely want to go to joy, i just need to process before i can get there.  i don’t want people in my life that are only going to be there when things get really rough.  i want loved ones that are there in attempts to avoid the rough stuff.  in some ways, it seems this goes against the entire american friendship model.  no one ever wants to rock the boat.  i need my boat rocked!  i got some rocking to do!  and we will all be better for it.  we will feel loved.  we will be supported.  we will follow our dreams, and be able to sleep at night while doing it.  is this detailed enough?  i know what i am saying, but i worry i am not being clear enough in what i need.

i can’t remember if i have explained what i see as the goal of couples counseling.  i apologize if i am repeating myself.

  1. learn tools for communicating – this might mean exploring where the communication isn’t working first
  2. practice communicating – this would be solving problems using the new tools
  3. integrating new communication seamlessly into every day life – at this point it doesn’t feel like work, it just is

it is entirely possible that through this process you me determine you have differences that can’t be overcome.  in that case, your relationship might end.  but at least it is ending with full knowledge and understanding.  seems the least i can offer my partner, if i choose not to be with them anymore.