yes, the fat lady hasn’t sung yet. funny, i even know the fat lady. but, i feel defeated. i feel like it is over already. i sit here feeling so something. it isn’t hopeless. it isn’t failure. though it is both those things. i feel suspended. perhaps a shoe waiting to fall? i don’t regret this path. It has been fascinating and amazing. but, also, it seems, a failure. i feel suspended in the air. as i sit on this couch with my cats, i feel something. i don’t know what.