Daily Archives: March 18, 2011

Shoe Page

i am the founding member of the imelda club at corvallis factory. to join the imelda club, you must have one style of shoe in more than 2 colours or more than 50 pairs of shoes. i qualify for both. and yes, it is sort of embarrassing.


Men in My Life

Welcome to
The Men in My Life!

Get your mind out of the
gutter. It’s just my flamboyant way of showing off my male
friends. They are people worth knowing too!

They are listed in the order I took or received the picture.
I’ve listed whether they are available to date or not. If
you are interested, drop me a mail and I’ll set something

And here he is,
my man! Here you see Patrick Sherman Owens being
typically Patrick in two different contexts. First,
on the left, at the local electronics stuff store
getting a few “necessities”. And on the right, at
our local Tony and Guy’s getting his hair done (‘Of
course I’m a natural blonde!’)

This is Siva, Tax IT dude extraordinaire,
at his 29th b-day party in the lovely UK! Seems like a sensible
party, right?

This is Siva, Tax IT dude extraordinaire,
at his 29th b-day party in India! Seems like a a rockin’, kick-ass
party, hey? Why on earth would anyone party anywhere else? (ok,
it isn’t actually his b-day party but i thought it was funny)

is it ok if I eat those chips?’ (John, the
temporary roommate…we do like him

Is this dude cool, or what?

Norbert is about the coolest nerd in management I
know. A rebel all the way. He is my ‘socially
abused as a kid only to become WAY cooler than the
jocks’ kin. I wish I could take him and his awesome
wife Monica back to the States with me.

This is him. My
main Latte man, Dominik Moarefi. In fact the cafe
is called Dominik’s Segafredo. He makes a great
Latte. Actually the best we have found in
Stuttgart. Segafredo rocks. The girl who works in
the morning is super nice too. I gave her a
chocolate chip cookie one morning and she said she
would make me some Spaghetti Bolognese. Anyhow, we
really appreciate the pleasant buzzed status
Dominik keeps us at. We only wish he were open
later and on Sundays. Oh well.
Here we have
Raj. Raj was a severally underpaid intern at HP.
His first desk was in a “converted” trash area. He
recently completed his internship and has gone back
to Canada to look for a real job. Um, Raj, real
job…Canada…hey? But seriously, Raj is a very
cool guy even if this picture is entitled “Raj the
Commie”. He is also available to date and I am sure
would be willing to relocate out of Canada to be
with you. He wears Hugo Boss suits sometimes
This is Marco
Bodio. He was in my last workgroup. As you can see
he really appreciates my cookies (there is a
Tupperware container of them in front of him.) He
is a very cool guy and is excellent boyfriend
material (except he’s taken).
This is Oliver
Schwieckhardt. He was lucky enough to be my project
manager on LDMP. Thanks for not killing me,

Married with a
lovely wife and two wonderful children. Better him
than me.

This is Heinz
Winkel. We have a work relationship that would
probably get us in trouble in the US. Of course it
is strictly business. Anyhow, he is looking VERY
German today in his leather vest.

Married, with a
lovely wife he has never bothered to introduce me
to and “the greatest child ever”. (I think Oliver
may disagree with you on that one Heinz)

This is Stefan
Guertler. What can I say about Stefan? He would
make great boyfriend material EXCEPT for his habit
of arguing about bands. I guess some girls could
over look that. I use to sit next to him and he
misses me harassing him. Here you go

available unless he is hiding something from me. In
which case, I will smack him.

Here we have
Mario Palmer also known as The Angry German. The
reason this picture is fuzzy is he is so angry he

Why is he so
angry you ask? Because he’s from Dunkel Deutschland
(mail me if you want to know what that means)!
Being that he has been forced into the light of the
West, he is a bit bitter at the loss of his great
Socialist State. By the way, he knows more about
American gov’t than most Americans.

He recently
purchased a home with his girl friend (thus
obviously unavailable). Remember Mario, if you were
still in Dunkel-land you couldn’t own that lovely

This is Bill
Clark. He use to be my coworker but has recently
returned to the lovely state of Idaho, in the US
with his wife Sheryl. Very nice people who always
came to our parties though didn’t stay long. Bill
was not an early morning person, just like me. That
was cool. He helped me a lot when I moved to IT and
I appreciated it.
Here we have
Emmanuel last name French and I can’t pronounce it
so like hell I will be able to spell it. I should
work on that. He is in my workgroup as well but
looks different than Bill above for one big reason,
he just got his new Audi TT.

Emmanuel got ride of the TT because it was a tad
expensive and his new girlfriend can kick your ass
because she studies Tae Kwon Do, so don’t mess with
the French dude.

Hi Matthias!
His last name is Michael. Confusing huh? I witness
a number of visiting Americans call his Michael. I
assume this is because they recognize it as a first
name and are confused by Matthias. How typically

Isn’t this a
great picture of him? I just walked up and he was
ready for it. I told him he could have a copy if he
wanted to change the picture on his badge. But you
know what? That is a great picture too. Naturally
photogenic. Don’t know about status. Will

This is Scott
Faude. He use to be in my “extended

In my
opinion, and a number of other ladies in the
department, Scott is the cutest guy we’ve got. But
now he is leaving to go work for his dad. Bummer.
Also, Scott is a Mutt. His Dad is German, his Mom
is American, his Grandfather is Spanish and his
Grandmother is Irish. I think maybe when I first
said he was a Mutt he might of been offended. I
hope not though because I think it is very cool to
be so diverse. My parents are just Americans,

He has a French
girlfriend who is a midwife but he doesn’t get up
with her in the middle of the night when she gets
called. Oh well. At least he is cute.

spring break

had a brilliant KS as always. it is just the most beautiful event. so many thank-yous for putting it on. giving people that opportunity to express themselves like no where else in austin. it was sad for me too. andreas was there, and muscle memory caused him to act like he always does. that was tough for me. our relationship has to be different now. different more than just intellectually agreeing that we aren’t in a relationship.

i talked with him tonight and for him it is different simply because he feels differently about it and, obviously, we won’t be sleeping together. but if we act the same in other ways, how is it really different other than a lack of commitment? and that is just hurtful. i can be friends with you, maybe even a better friend, but i can’t commit to you at all. and it is so ironic as i didn’t want to date him in the first place. he told me that since we aren’t a couple, if i talk to him about difficult or painful things going on in my life, they don’t impact him directly so they don’t bring him down. i find this odd (i find it a stronger word, actually, but i am trying to be diplomatic). so if you date me, and i have a problem, you can’t handle it. you can’t, as my partner, be there for me because it brings you down. but as a friend, what, you can hear it and just let it go? he asked if, when christine calls me with something difficult, do i care it around and think about it. um, yes. she is my best friend. i am concerned for her welfare, and if she isn’t doing well, that is going to bother me and i am going to spend energy on it. in my book, that is the MEANING of friendship. what is the point of friendship if it is just something that can come in and go right back out? isn’t that what makes the difference between strangers and friends? you care how your friends are doing? i should really just not care. if he really couldn’t be there for me as a partner, because it was too hard, i am better off without, right? life is not all sunshine, and things are much tougher these days. if i can’t rely on my friends when i need them, isn’t that them just using me? i really like andreas. we have some very positive things about our relationship. but this difference is pretty significant. i want to say to myself “heather, you are pining for something that wasn’t there. it makes no sense to hang on it.” and intellectually, that is true. but i can’t just give it up. i think we all do this.

he also said that when we had our talk, i demanded an answer. which i feel is a bit strong. i think it was another misunderstanding. he had said that he needed to see his therapist a few more times but he didn’t say anything about how he felt. whether he wanted to start hanging out again. his words, his voice, they just didn’t seem convinced. so i asked if he was done. he said that he thought we could work more with joseph on communicating, but that he wasn’t happy and didn’t think he ever would be. so i pressed as to what that meant. i asked if he was done. he said yes. tonight it sounded like he was suggesting that i pushed him into that answer. that doesn’t seem fair. “no, i am not done but need more time alone” would have been an answer too. “i don’t know, but i am going to keep trying” would have also worked. if he is done, he is done and i don’t blame him for that. reality is reality. but that is sort of my point. we make our own decisions. i just wish this hadn’t all ended on verbal confusion.

i am going to see my therapist this week to try and figure out why, even though i am super awesome, no one likes me enough to stick it out. what am i doing wrong? both patrick and andreas wanted me before i wanted them and then they both left me. what am i doing wrong? what am i missing? i can’t believe it is just that i pick the wrong people. without forsaking myself, what do i have to do differently?