i got a 92 on my legal/ethical exam and 100% on assignment #3. that was nice. mind you, a 92 is a B in nursing school. but having that big of a margin from an F feels good. as i spent a number of years in the legal field, i have been frustrated with my experience in the class so far. i spent from 12:30 until 21:30 yesterday at bennu studying for my electrolyte and acid-base exam. still pretty frustrated with that topic. i get the two topics separately, but ask me something like “you client comes in dehydrated from 2-days of vomiting. do they have a) metabolic acidosis, b) respiratory acidosis, c) metabolic alkalosis or d) respiratory alkalosis?” uh, i don’t know. ask dr house! you give me lab numbers, and i can tell you in negative time. ironically, i find the topic of electrolytes and acid-base balance really interesting. randomly, i have been noticing that i find the blood related topics pretty fascinating.

so my friend frederic called me last weekend. he started the conversation as a lot of people do “how’s it going?” my reply was “crappy, i failed a test, my cat ran-away and andreas broke up with me yesterday”. his reply, “damn, i am sorry. i was calling to see if you wanted to hang out tonight, but after a week like that, it hardly seems like you would.” truth was, i would really have liked to. distraction would have been awesome. but i was already in belton. i suggested later in the week. he explained that he is looking at getting back into dating so he needs to practice and wanted to go to dinner/be social. i thought that was pretty awesome and was delighted to be his practice subject. he is taking me to a swanky steak house downtown tomorrow night!

i was thinking about how things worked out between myself and both patrick and andreas. i am just really struck by how in both cases, when i finally had some hope for the relationship, they both were done. is that me? is that a guy thing? the relationships were both very different. patrick and i were together 16 years. andreas and i 3. not to say that 3 years isn’t a long time, but patrick and i were frustrated a lot longer than andreas and i were. not that i am saying you should be frustrated for at least X number of years before giving up. i can’t truthfully say i think there should be a time minimum of struggle. people are different about how much struggle they can take. patrick and i got together young, andreas and i were a bit more mature. regardless, this perspective difference between myself and both patrick and andreas is worrying. one of my best qualities is that i am very loyal. i stick with people, i don’t give up on them. that doesn’t mean i baby them or don’t express my differing of opinion. i don’t actually think you are a very good friend if you just blindly support a friend. loyalty is being there during good and bad. but is this a loyalty difference? (not that patrick and andreas aren’t loyal, i just take it to a higher level than most people…which may be good but may be bad). anyhow, i am thinking of going back to see my therapist a couple times to discuss this perspective difference. is it that i hold on longer? is it that i see something differently? and if i do, why is that? is what i see a reasonable facsimile of reality? in the case of patrick, i don’t have any corroborating opinion. it was just he and i. with andreas, i have some corroborating opinion i don’t feel it is appropriate to discuss here. is this just a difference between men and women? i am not saying their being done when they were was “bad”. sure it hurts, but when you are done, you are done. then again, why the difference? i think understanding the difference might help me in future relationships. all relationships go through rocky times. i think our relationship was really hard for andreas in the last 6-months. so is that the difference? should that be what i worry about? what i should try to address during future rocky times with future partners? 2-data points are, well, just 2-data points. but it covers a lot of years in my life. i want to try and figure this one out. i’d really like to not feel this way again.