winding up summer

christine and i knocked out ALL the cabinets yesterday. had dinner with yvonne and then watched the first 3 episodes of Dexter season 3. today we are hitting the attic. we rock.

went to see grandma today. she looks great. the woman is 97 years old, but totally doesn’t look it. seriously. still mobile, just using a walker. other patients (Alzheimer’s) aren’t nearly as old, but way more infirm. we talked about my going to nursing school, which didn’t seem to interest her though she worked in hospitals a great deal when she was young. she was more interested in that i was not married and had a scar on my knee. she had a pretty white smock dress with pinkish flowers, a white-shirt and white sweater on. oh, and bling. she had a length of red mardi gras beads on. she asked if i was cold because my shoulders were bare. i said, since turning 40, i am warm all the time. she said “you are 40?”. yep grandma, we are all old and look REALLY good for our ages.

friday i plan on driving up to temple to drop off my mattress and some bath stuff. i’ll probably take up my dresser on sunday when i go there to sleep. need to figure out how i am going to manage the cats. i am so dreading moving in november. i am starting to lean towards just getting a flat in temple. putting everything in storage until christmas and then dealing with it then makes sense to. i just DREAD moving boxes twice in such a short period. i use to be one of those people that would get bored with where they were living every year and want to move. but after 4 moves in austin alone, i am SO sick of moving. there is just too much chaos in my life right now to do anything permanent.

i have realizes something about myself recently. the bottom-line one thing that i am looking for in a relationship is someone that is going to be there for me when i need emotional support. when i need someone to stand-up for me. my occasional rock of gibraltar. i asked joseph, the relationship counselor, if i was expecting too much. he said yes and no. that i needed to be more clear about the help that i need, when i need it. i think i could do more of that. but i also think that i know how to be there for my friends. it may no be perfect, but i think i do a damn fine job. and i try. i do something. i don’t just sit there and fret about it. and, to me at least, that goes a long way. that says “i may not have it figured out yet, but i care and i am going to do whatever i can until i do figure it out, cause i love you and i would never let you struggle on your own”. that is what i am looking for. and it totally comes from my childhood, my family structure. but regardless, it is what i am looking for. i am a strong and independent girl. i don’t need a savior or knight. but sometimes i need help. it is nice to know what it is, even if i realize it is a pretty tall order. at least i know what to talk about now.

we don’t have to be in uniform until Sept 13th. how am i going to resist wearing my scrubs to school the first day?!

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