well, everyone i have talked to agrees. our clinical lecturer is NOT the greatest instructor. she reads the slides. she JUST READS THEM TO US. it’s nuts. a total waste of time. she is adding NO value. she has been struggling with pronunciations too. wtf? i am still totally excited about school. so far i haven’t learned anything i didn’t already really know. certainly i we have learned is data so far. no learning. but i am thinking this is going to be a lot of memorization. not my strong suit, but, i don’t think the program will be terribly hard. at least this semester. perhaps skills class, which is tomorrow, will be more of a challenge.

i think the rest of the class finds me unapproachable. i ask a lot of questions. i don’t express myself as being stressed either. cause i am not. most of the class is freaking out already. i don’t quite get that. still, i wish that they would have invited me to their study session tomorrow. i am going to try and find a way to ask for an invite. just because i am not freaked about it, doesn’t mean i don’t need to study. we’ll see. i do this to myself, so, ultimately, i’ll live.

had to buy a sweater at macy’s. don’t think i would be able to handle another day in those rooms without it. brrr. there are NO coffee shops in temple, besides starbucks. i did find 2 in belton though. yeah! today i studied at “cuppy’s coffee” at the mall. that was weird. glad i found some real places for the future.

well, onward i go!

they explained memes on all things considered today. they talked to Richard Dawkins, the flaming atheist, who coined the term and the guy from lolcats, Ben Huh. they interviewed dawkins on why he coined it and huh on how it is used on the internet. melissa block gave huh some examples of things and asked whether they were simply viral or memes. the double rainbow video is viral, the remixed song about it is a meme. then melissa played “never going to let you down” by rick astley. and asked if that was a meme. well, huh told her that she had just insulted him, sort of, by rick-rolling him. it was hysterical! then, at the end of the segment, melissa rick-rolled the listeners! i love NPR!

some pictures of stuff that i have done recently:

this is the pie my friend mo and her brother sam made me for my 41st birthday! blackberry pie yum!

this is a shot of my mom’s cracker barrel discussion group. we talked about banking, schools and “news weeks best places to live” report, before i had to leave to catch my plane. not a lot was determined in this particular session. nothing new was said i hadn’t heard my libertarian friends moan about here in texas.

this was christine’s cappuccino at the naked lounge. it was just pretty, so i took a picture.

wardrobe remix was amazing today. too many fabulous photos to make comments on!

and finally! a photo andreas’ took of me in my car as i drove off to college! i look seriously dorky but was just so crazy excited. my car was stuffed with stuff and i even realized, luckily before i left town, that i had forgotten my bathroom bag.

first day of class was exciting but anti-climatic. we did safety and some math. i found 2 errors on the calendar. it seems we have to bring most of our books to all of our classes. which is nuts. so far i am not intimidated. maybe tomorrow will be more scary. i DID go to A&P I. i am auditing clement’s class. he was totally excited to see me. has 3 cds of music to share! i am just super excited to be in this program and look forward to whatever it throws at me. we’ll see how long i maintain this joy!

school starts in 7:30 hours. yeah. i am up too late. but i am so excited! andreas took a picture of me in my car with all my stuff. i am sitting on my ikea futon/mattress now in my home-away-from-home. emily is my landlord. she’s really young and super independent. sounds like another roommate i have….my mom called while i was on my way to temple (i actually live in salado, mo and i pronounce is salad-o) to wish me a great first day! that was so nice! christine posted a good luck on my facebook page. i am so excited!

bunch of stuff happened since i got back from christine’s. got some cool photos to post. just been too busy. MAYBE i will get around to it later this week. depends on the homework load. i am making no commitments this week until i get a sense of what it is going to take to get through this term. nervous, but not.

picked up the new stella. it is black and sitting in the corner of the garage. i am going to get the cover back from katie (who isn’t really using it) and cover her up. was a pleasure to ride home though.

omg omg omg. this is so exciting!

christine and i knocked out ALL the cabinets yesterday. had dinner with yvonne and then watched the first 3 episodes of Dexter season 3. today we are hitting the attic. we rock.

went to see grandma today. she looks great. the woman is 97 years old, but totally doesn’t look it. seriously. still mobile, just using a walker. other patients (Alzheimer’s) aren’t nearly as old, but way more infirm. we talked about my going to nursing school, which didn’t seem to interest her though she worked in hospitals a great deal when she was young. she was more interested in that i was not married and had a scar on my knee. she had a pretty white smock dress with pinkish flowers, a white-shirt and white sweater on. oh, and bling. she had a length of red mardi gras beads on. she asked if i was cold because my shoulders were bare. i said, since turning 40, i am warm all the time. she said “you are 40?”. yep grandma, we are all old and look REALLY good for our ages.

friday i plan on driving up to temple to drop off my mattress and some bath stuff. i’ll probably take up my dresser on sunday when i go there to sleep. need to figure out how i am going to manage the cats. i am so dreading moving in november. i am starting to lean towards just getting a flat in temple. putting everything in storage until christmas and then dealing with it then makes sense to. i just DREAD moving boxes twice in such a short period. i use to be one of those people that would get bored with where they were living every year and want to move. but after 4 moves in austin alone, i am SO sick of moving. there is just too much chaos in my life right now to do anything permanent.

i have realizes something about myself recently. the bottom-line one thing that i am looking for in a relationship is someone that is going to be there for me when i need emotional support. when i need someone to stand-up for me. my occasional rock of gibraltar. i asked joseph, the relationship counselor, if i was expecting too much. he said yes and no. that i needed to be more clear about the help that i need, when i need it. i think i could do more of that. but i also think that i know how to be there for my friends. it may no be perfect, but i think i do a damn fine job. and i try. i do something. i don’t just sit there and fret about it. and, to me at least, that goes a long way. that says “i may not have it figured out yet, but i care and i am going to do whatever i can until i do figure it out, cause i love you and i would never let you struggle on your own”. that is what i am looking for. and it totally comes from my childhood, my family structure. but regardless, it is what i am looking for. i am a strong and independent girl. i don’t need a savior or knight. but sometimes i need help. it is nice to know what it is, even if i realize it is a pretty tall order. at least i know what to talk about now.

we don’t have to be in uniform until Sept 13th. how am i going to resist wearing my scrubs to school the first day?!

aren’t i cute? you can’t really see my PINK stethoscope (that my awesome friend daniel morgan bought me as gift!) but it is there. scrub sizes aren’t real standard. the pants are medium, the top is small and the lab coat is x-small. the shoes are dansko, and my roommate found them at another nordstrom for me! i am getting excited. well, more excited. i just really want to get into it and start doing stuff!

i did half an hour of yoga tonight (3 sets of sun salutation, then 3 sets sun salutation with warrior 1 on each side, then 3 sets of sun salutation with warrior 2 on each side, body twist) while watching a stand-up show on netflix on-demand. it was weird. i am not big on the woohoo, but yoga to stand-up felt weird. but i can almost get my heels to the floor in down dog now. that makes me proud.

i think i need a new camera. my pictures of been getting really fuzzy. must have dropped the camera one to many times. not that i drop it a lot. and it hasn’t shattered like the last one did. but they are looking pretty bad. what do you think?

i read an article today that suggests the case against prop 8 may stop in CA. according to the article, UPDATE 1-California gay marriage case hangs on technicality, on reuters, it is suggested that, only the state has standing to appeal the case. the defense does not. and since the gover-nator and attorney general moonbeam don’t want to come out against or for the bill, there is no one to really appeal. won’t even get to the US supreme court in that case. pretty sneaky huh? both sides play these games, and i am happy they are in my favor this time, but i’d really like to see people AGREE that marriage is a right, thus should be extended to the LGBT community. of course, it takes time. “all in the family” was notorious for having their curmudgeon archie bunker bring all sorts of topics to tv for the first time. all under the guise of his conservative white male-ness. i have heard that finding out someone you know and like is gay goes a long way to change people’s opinions. maybe seeing their gay friends marry will do the same.

well, my make-up bag is gone. it is just lipstick and my new powder, but the powder was brand new! argh! why do i keep losing things!!! bought my books for school, $713. glad the feds are paying for that. got my scrubs too. ditto the feds. got my hair re-inked so i would be shiny for chico this weekend. i am excited about going. i haven’t been anywhere since christmas. though it will be the same temp, at least it won’t be humid.

got an estimate on fixing blue. there are 3 options: stock, semi-hydraulic and full-hydraulic. full is a complete disk brake. but it requires a new headset and a reservoir on the headset. i’d like to keep my bike more vintage. the semi was the mod of its time and will still be a great improvement on the stock drum brake. $700. as my insurance payout was more than that, it is good (of course, i will have to pay to ship it back to texas, but, it’s my BLUE!)

helping a friend move tomorrow at 10am. am i nuts?

i had an interview today. with northrup grumman. the are looking for a cost accountant for projects. i think i have a lot of strong positives around the work, but i am lacking some things too. the detail required sounds really awesome. but i am suppose to start nursing school in a couple of weeks. technically i can’t turn a job offer down, which is why i went to the interview. if it were a perm position, i would feel better. but it is temp-to-perm and i am afraid my weak areas would overwhelm my talents. and then i would be screwed. but it would be nice to work again.

baked cookies tonight. a lot of them.

watched a few episodes of the IT crowd. in the season finale they each end up waking up after the “thank-you” party with someone they don’t expect. such great characters. i would totally date either roy or moss.

too many cookies.

blue’s frame isn’t bent! woohoo! patrick sent me an email today, and some pictures. says he will send me a part list end of the week (both stock and with a disk brake). so excited!

tonight i went to the emergency room. my foot started to swell at dinner. i noticed 2 white-headed bumps this morning that itched. i put hydrogen peroxide on them to make them stop. they weep then, but at least they didn’t itch. but then i got home from dinner (mo and i went to din ho) and my foot was seriously swollen! the top felt like a breast implant (my dad had one on his desk when i was a kid). called the 24-hour nurse hotline and told them i thought it was a spider bite. they felt i needed to see someone tonight, get some antibiotics. if it was a brown recluse, i could have tissue damage by morning. went to seton, same place i went when i got hit last august. in and out in less than an hour! i was impressed. gave me antibiotics and recommended keeping my foot up for 5 days. crazy huh? cost me $100 too. blech.

going to CA on thursday to see my best friend. going to organize her house. she, yvonne and i are going to start planning our future at crazy cat ladies. christine and i have already decided that we are going to buy airstreams. i want to set them up like a wagon train and put them into a circle at night. we can build a camp fire in the center and talk each night about what we can do the next day to reinforce our crazy cat lady status with the town’s people. it’ll be great!

at the therapist this week i had an idea about patrick. when we moved to germany and started functioning there, we had very different styles in speaking the language. i wanted to communicate, get a point across, be understood. i didn’t especially care if i got the sentence perfectly correct, as long as they understood what i was trying to say. patrick, on the other hand, wanted to get his sentences correct. i spoke more. he communicated properly more. and it might have been the same thing with his not being able to support me emotionally. went i was upset or sad, mostly patrick just stared at me. i know he wanted to help. but he couldn’t really do anything. maybe that is because he wanted to do just the right thing, instead of just trying to get it done. i can see how he might have feared getting it wrong with me. as time when on, my patience got shorter and shorter. if he didn’t attempt things with confidence, it just wasn’t going to work. so, perhaps, he felt he had to be confident about it, but could only be confident if he knew he was doing it right, which he wasn’t sure of. i think that makes a lot of sense. how our two styles worked against us. though as time went on, i think it was a reasonable reaction of mine to start to lose patience, if i had been able to convince him that trying would have been a huge help, that might have helped us. if he had been able to say “i am trying. i want to try this. does this help? this is hard for me. won’t you please give me some credit for trying and learning?”, it might have gone much better.