i should play the lottery

i had 2 successes today already. first, i called the texas workforce commission to ask them about my TAA benefits. since i am in an approved program, i shouldn’t be having to look for a job. not that i would mind finding a job, but i hate the pressure of having to apply for 5 jobs every week. anyhow, i explained my situation to the guy who answered the phone (i have the secret number) and he said ‘yeah, you’re right’ and created a new ‘case’ which shows i am in the program. i find that way too easy. the other success, my UI money was deposited to my bank account today as it was supposed to. that means the technology worked. a government system actually worked. it’s awesome.

i did realize that i failed to execute 2 steps when writing my essay last week. i was so excited having finished it early that i missed the survey. i hope i don’t lose all credit. it was a great essay.

had a weird dream yesterday morning. in the dream i was offered a job with the city of austin accounting dept. the dept head was retiring, earlier than he realized, he said, and they needed to bring me in sooner (sooner than what?) he started to show me around. i was unsure though. i was excited about someone wanting to give me a job but the pay was only $15K a year. certainly enough to feed and house myself, but a fraction of what i use to make (not that i expect to make that much again, but considering my education and experience i deserve more that $15K) anyhow, i was very torn. i have come so far trying to become a nurse and now it was going to vanish. wouldn’t people be disappointed in me? doesn’t it make me a coward? and didn’t i deserve more pay? i wandered around the office. kept getting lost and couldn’t find my desk area. also, there were these women making jewelry on the side of our office area. i asked one of my new coworkers about it and she said they were with the hair school making hair jewelry. she admitted it was odd having them there but space was limited. in the dream i felt so weird. i was happy someone wanted me, but i just felt like i was giving up on something that so many people have worked so hard to help me make happen. and what about all the people that just believed in me. what would they think? could i get out of this job? would they tell the state they had offered it to me and i turned it down? would i lose my funding. the dream felt really weird. it was an uneasy dream. it was significant somehow, but i am not sure how.

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