Monthly Archives: March 2002


So we are back from NYC. Wow was that an expensive trip! But now I have some truly cool clothes to share with you all. This week’s outfit is something I have ALWAYS wanted. A real Goth girl shirt and petticoat. I wore this outfit to work, plus my Atsuro Tayama cost to hide the cleavage, and got tons of compliments. Our department manager said when she isn’t a manager anymore, which she predicted as being soon, she would start dressing like me. See everyone, there is nothing wrong with the way I dress, as long as you don’t want to be management. Anyhow, I just feel so romantic and giggly when I wear something like this. Sexy too. Of course the giggly goes right against being a Goth and this is why I never owned one before. I think I will wear it with my leather corset at some point, though obviously not to work. Patrick and I will have to find a really weird party to go to!

Besides all the clothes, NYC was great. I mean we mostly shopped and ate and baked cookies and slept, but it was great. A lot of people were really nice. Some sales people were as I expected, German. I baked cookies for our wonderful friend Janet, who kindly slept on the couch and gave us her bed for the weekend. As I said in my last coffee talk, we have been so busy we haven’t really gotten any time for us lately. We didn’t press ourselves in NYC to really do anything so it was very relaxing. When I think about it, I guess there weren’t many tourists. It was plenty busy for me though. I’d live there. Janet had a wonderful flat that she shares with 2 others. Both her roommates, Jan and Lisa, were very cool. Jan’s girlfriend was really cool too. We had sushi twice, yum. Bacon, egg and cheese biscuits! The simple things in life! We went to a store across from the WTC and was actually more moved by the cool graveyard across the street. There were so many contractor trailers surrounding the site, you can’t actually see anything. One of the buildings across the street was missing a bunch of its windows and stuff, but it all looked like construction. Though I have seen pictures, I think because I had never really seen the WTC in person, I wasn’t very moved. If the facade were still there I think it would have meant more. Lots of cops, the city was decently clean. Didn’t any rats caring off infants in the subway. The subway cars look like flying bricks only silver. Patrick was impressed. I think I would really like to go again and do some real site-seeing. It would probably help to stay at a hotel to do that though. Don’t know why, but staying at Janet’s made it less touristy. Oh, almost forgot, Patrick bought himself some Vivienne Westwood pants. They look fabulous! They are so cool. I think maybe I will put a picture of him in them on my web site they are so cool. His is such a label whore. Cute though. Fabulous ass. I got a Vivienne Westwood from a store that sells consignment for, essentially models. Everything is sized pretty small and very high-end. Think Prada, Christian Dior, etc. All at reasonable for who it is prices. I was satisfied. I have changed my perfume to ‘Boudoir’ by Vivienne Westwood as well.

On a building, thought it was a Fed building but now I can’t remember, was the following inscription, ‘Credit – man’s confidence in man’ – Daniel Webster, Senate Speech 1834. I thought that was really cool. Of course it is man’s confidence in man with a little thrown in for risk.

At a class this week I heard the following idea…’you can’t argue with how someone feels…only the reason they feel that way’. I thought that was cool. It’s true and an important distinction, I think. My feelings, or yours or theirs, are right for them. One has every right to feel they way they want. No one can tell you how you should feel because they have not had he cumulative life experiences that you have, leading you to feel the way you do. But let’s say you feel angry about the way someone has said something. It is entirely reasonable for that person to work to change the how you view what they said. If you are angry because you though what they said was callous, they can explain what they meant and how it wasn’t intended to be callous, and then maybe you will change the way you feel because it is something different now. Maybe not. I am not explaining this well. I like the idea though.

Did you know the Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson are ‘partners’. Have been for many years. I was surprised to read that, though not surprised by it. They seem perfect for each other.

Where does the word ‘Urban’ come from. Yes, I could look it up on the Webster’s web site but, I’d like to know what you all think. It has such a negative connotation to it these days. Doesn’t seem fair. I’ll look it up and get back to you if I don’t hear from anyone.

I saw a flier for a very amusing thing while in NYC. It is a ‘Philosophy’ Competition. It is like a Robot, or Bridge or Band competition only it is for thinking. You can find our more about it by going to . I’d love to go and watch that. I’d also love to go to a debate between those who think art is a way of saying something and those that think one creates art for art’s sake. Just the tit for tat examples would be incredibly entertaining. I love watching people.

I just finished reading ‘The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay’ by Michael Chabon. He did ‘The Wonder Boys’. It was really good, except the ending. It was too ‘there is going to be a sequel’. It all worked out too well too. Sure no one was completely happy and everyone is worried about whether they will make it in the future, but it was all neat and tidy. Everyone ended up with who and what they should. They interesting this was the talk about the Golem and golems. I know about The Golem from visiting Praha but in the book they use it as an adjective almost. That really confused me. Merriam-Webster says:

Main Entry: go·lem –
Etymology: Yiddish goylem, from Hebrew gOlem shapeless mass
Date: 1897
1 : an artificial human being in Hebrew folklore endowed with life
2 : something or someone resembling a golem: as a : AUTOMATON b : BLOCKHEAD

Can anyone explain to me how it is used in regular speech? What does it mean exactly?

Here are some other words I have come across too:

in·vec·tive – 1. Pronunciation: in-‘vek-tiv.
Function: adjective.
Etymology: Middle English invectif, from Middle French, from Latin invectivus, from invectus, past participle of invehere.
Date: 15th century
: of, relating to, or characterized by insult or abuse

invective – 2
Function: noun.
Date: 1523.
1 : an abusive expression or speech
2 : insulting or abusive language : VITUPERATION synonym see ABUSE

Pronunciation: “a-n&-“mad-‘v&r-zh&n, -m&d-, -‘v&r-sh&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Latin animadversion-, animadversio, from animadvertere
Date: 1599
1 : a critical and usually censorious remark — often used with on
2 : adverse criticism


These last two weeks have been both crazy busy and lonely. Weird huh? Patrick has been on a biz trip for 3 days last week and 4 days this week but he came and went at strange times. This weekend he has a workgroup ski trip (aka drink a bunch and maybe ski) so I am going to Paris with my friend Ulrike to meet my friend Jenn who has a hotel room for the weekend on her company’s dime. She was in town for training all week and it is cheaper to pay the hotel for the weekend then fly her home on Friday or Saturday. Cool for us. It’ll be a girl-y weekend with much shoppin’ and gigglin’. Next week Patrick and I fly to NYC to see our friend Janet as well as take in the big city. We are hoping to get massages and facials as well as go to the History Museum and generally just be NYC cool. Then, two weeks after that, we go to Warsaw for Easter. Jealous yet? It really is sort of absurd and definitely why we like living in Europe. Warsaw should be great because we are staying at the Jan III. Sobieski, which was named ‘Pearl Hotel of Poland 2001’. We are also taking private sleeping cars there and back since I have heard a bunch of not-so-good stuff about thieves. The first time I went to Budapest, the train conductor told me to lock my door from the inside and only open it for him until daylight.

Got my hair done again this week. I really wasn’t happy with the last cut because I couldn’t do much with it and the fringe (bangs for you Americans) we too long. So go to the hair page and see what I gots now. There is also a picture of my cutter Juergen. I really need to find a way to bring him to whatever country I live in next. He is brilliant. I just love watching him cut. Colourists, I am not having so much luck with. There is a picture of Vera on the hair page. She did my colour last time, which I wasn’t that happy with but it was ok. She has FABULOUS colour. A perfect beige blonde. She didn’t do my colour this time because a few days after she did my colour last, she left the hair business (no it wasn’t my fault). She told me this not until I was totally done and about to leave. She said she had been doing hair a really long time and wanted to do something new. I respect that. The other funny thing was she told me about her boyfriend. I am not sure how the topic came up but I was talking about how Patrick and I met and how happy we are now. She asked how we did it. I told her, as I tell all, it was and is hard work. Married or not, a relationship takes a lot of time and energy. She said some things about her relationship that a) didn’t sound good and b) I was surprised she shared (though I was interested and flattered she did share). Germans don’t share personal things with people they don’t know. Makes the ‘getting your hair done’ experience very different than in the US. Anyhow, I am not sure what to do about colour now. I don’t mind doing the bright temp colours myself, or rather by Patrick, but I won’t do my own bleach. Where is Mia when I need her!

So I have recently been contemplating the concept of ‘Euro-trash’. Is it a shallow, trend driven style or just a style some other group doesn’t like? There are lots of concepts like this. Pop music versus Rock N’ Roll. ‘Real’ Art versus Commercial Art. Literature versus trash novels. I read an interview in my ‘Dutch’ magazine with a black/Spanish Poet/Rapper in NYC who was saying he is not like Dr. Dre/Snoop Dog because it isn’t about bullsh** but his feelings and experiences. He doesn’t sing about shooting people because he has never shot anyone. This got me thinking. I mean what is real? What isn’t commercial? Is it only the first one to do it, that is original? RunDMC is real but Snoop Dog isn’t? The Beatles are real but Depeche Mode isn’t? Chanel is real, but D&G isn’t? I hear covers of songs that were originals by bands I listened to and think ‘(eyes rolling) Oh that is so 5 minutes ago. Can’t they do their own songs?’ I mean we would all agree that No Angels are just another slapped together temporary revenue generating girl band, but what do the kids for who this is a first think? I remember my mom hearing Depeche Mode’s version of Route 66. I thought she was going to burst a blood vessel. She couldn’t believe how they were slaughtering ‘her song’. I liked it. But there are lots of covers now I can’t stand and I react as she did. I’m getting off the subject…It seems to me what is Euro-trash to one, is a cool and different culture to another. It is both Euro-trash and Continental, depending on the audience. I admit to a slight hypocrisy here. There are some styles, I think are awful and shallow and fake, like all the ‘respond to this ad’ bands of late, but then I feel guilty because really, where is the line? Does longevity determine quality? If you aren’t remembered 50 or 100 years after you die, were you worthy of the interest, attention and praise you got when you were alive? And what about those who were not known when they were alive but only got the attention after they died? There are plenty of painters who were paupers in their lifetime. And if there is no heaven to look down from and see people enjoying the fruits of your labor after you are gone, was it worth it? There is the concept of ‘it only matters how it makes you feel inside’, but eating regularly is nice too. Look at me. Teaching would really be my dream job (after being a personal shopper at Bloomingdales in Manhattan), but as I enjoy the fruits of my corporate paycheck right now more, I am not ready to follow that ‘dream’. Does that make me shallow? Am I wasting or missing some opportunity? It is nice to be appreciated too. But does it count if you don’t know you are/were appreciated? If everyone likes it, or copies it, does that distroy its purity? All right let’s go back to the original topic…Euro-trash. There was a couple sitting across from me at McD’s (where I am sitting at the window watching people coming up from the Stadtmitte stop while I write this) who were uber trendy. He had a D&G belt (big D&G on the buckle) and she was sporting the wide belt over hip hugger pants look (though she was busting those hip huggers a bit). She also had a Burburry plaid purse. Total trendoids. Euro-trash. But see, I love my black Burburry skirt, though I wear it with my H&M too small top and do the whole Nails, ’88 lines about 44 women’, ‘Silver spoon with a paper plate’ thing. But I really want a new Burburry coat (like my husband’s) and to someday own a Vivienne Westwood (VW) dress. Does this make me trendy? Euro-trash? I think of this differently. I want a VW because she is so cool. She does and has always done whatever the f#@K she wanted. She invented punk bondage pants with Malcolm McCarran who went on too manage The Sex Pistols. And weren’t they cool? Or were they just first? I mean Sid Vicious was usually too high or drunk to actually play the guitar. What is cool about that? Rebellion is cool, but only when it inspires the new and the free. When all it does is create a new economy, I guess it isn’t worthy. Right? But why? Do you get what I am getting at here? Could you explain it to me? I sort of guess I am wondering what the answer to life, society and art is. Is it to make money? What does that get you? Stuff? Which means what? How about love? What does that mean? That I know this person that loves me would give me a kidney if I needed it? Feed me when I was hungry? Agree with everything I think or say? I’d hate that last one. Is it to create beauty? Further understanding of man’s purpose? I love a lot of people. Some more than others. I would help just about anyone, with just about anything, assuming I could do it. My only limiters are time and money, maybe physical strength. So is love giving someone more time than another? Having committed myself to getting a good night’s sleep every night, and needing to workout to both look good and, more importantly, stay healthy, I realize very much how precious time is. My dad rarely had time for us. Does that mean he didn’t love us? OK maybe he didn’t love us because of other reasons, but did we see it because he didn’t spend time with us? Are all those parents working insane hours so that they can have a bigger house and a bigger car and be ‘more successful’, loving themselves, or money more than their family? Where is the line between working enough to live and not loving? Oh God, I need to stop. I am getting WAY off the topic. Anyhow, you see where my brain is? Tell me what I am thinking. I don’t know. Tell me what you think. I am just curious. Must be all these philosopher friends I have been making lately.

The outfit was bought in the US at a punk store in the Arden fair mall while home for Christmas. I had lots of people tell me that day my outfit was really ‘nice’. I thought that was a strange word for it. I wore it this particular day because we went to see ‘The White Stripes’ that night. Of course when I got home, before going to the show, I was too uncomfortable and changed into jeans and a t-shirt. It was cool though. I highly recommend ‘The White Stripes’ They were really cool and they did a cover of ‘Jolene’ by Dolly Parton (at least that was the version my parents had). Saw a bad called ‘Whirlwind Heat’ as the opener. They were very performance art. Lots of random, dissonant synthesizer playing and strange screaming words. Reminded me of Frank Black meets Christian Death. They were from Grand Rapids Michigan. Cool.


I have been lonely this week. Patrick has been on a business trip and only returned Thursday night. He leaves again on Sunday at midnight. I am going to miss him. We are hiding out in our flat tonight because we are both so tired and just miss quietness together.