Monthly Archives: June 2001


So then Budapest. I’m sorry that I haven’t written earlier but I’ve been really busy. Since I last wrote we went to Budapest for the long weekend (the Ascension) and then went to a concert festival the next weekend. Then there was a bunch of work in between. So I have a lot to say.

Last week I was standing on the bahnsteigen and I saw this woman whose breasts were so large they hung to her waist. They wrapped around her sides. She was playing a Gameboy and had her elbows resting on the top of her tits. It was really disgusting looking. Funny thing is the rest of her wasn’t obese. She was heavy but not that heavy. She didn’t look like one of those huge Americans who walk bow legged because their thighs chafe. If she was more healthy sized she would still have huge, though quite beautiful breasts.

All these biz trips have been hell on my body. I’ve gained 5 kilos and lost a lot of definition. I know people that workout when they go on biz trips. I usually bring my gym clothes but I am always afraid I will fall asleep on the treadmill and hurt myself. Then when I get home I have jet lag for like a week and have lost yet another week of working out. Things should be better through July but I start the travel thing again late July, early August.

My new personal quest in life is to erradicate dry elbow. A good number of men and even a few women have elbows that are so dry, they look like they are going to crack open. For whatever reason it makes me queasy to see. Roller coasters don’t bother me. Surgeries on The Discovery Channel don’t bother me but dry elbows do. My plan is to walk around with a bottle of Clarins Young Hands lotion and offer it to the afflicted. This may not work so well in Germany. But who cares? Did all those famous people that fought against ill conceived social standards let that stop them? No! I shall persevere.

So my friend Gaby works at a hospital. She was telling me that when she started and took the “safety” class, she was instructed to wash her hands for 10 seconds. This is not an easy thing to do. You start to count too fast because it just feels silly to stand there washing your hands so long. So then a nurse gave her a tip, sing the Happy Birthday song. Apparently, if you were to go to this hospital you would hear the birthday song all over the place. And of course if you visit me, you will now hear me humming the song from the bathroom. I promise I do it quietly though.

Speaking of birthdays. I love my birthday. It is my favorite holiday next to Halloween. I even dress up on my birthday (sort of like Halloween). Last year I was a Princess. I wore my big flowing purple dress I got for my 30th birthday. I also handed out chocolate Kinder Uber(insert German spelling here) eggs to just about everyone. I shook their hand and thanked them for putting up with me for another year, then handed them an egg. They thought it was typically weird Heather, but liked the egg. In general my birthday is just a special day. Everything seems to go right (knock on wood). The weather is beautiful (being in August helps). And my favorite people win on game shows. At least they did when I was a kid and watched game shows. People are nicer to you when they hear it is your birthday. I’m never afraid to tell people it’s my birthday. I’m not particularly big on gifts, but I like the attention.

Did I ever mention to you that I thought for the longest time that Joan Miro was a woman? I was so happy there was at least one famous female artist. Even if I hated the work, at least a woman was getting some of the over-the-top attention that artists get. Then we went to the Joan Miro exhibit in Firenze, the truth was revealed. I felt like an idiot but also felt better about really not liking the work. When Chelsea saw the stuff she was incensed. She kept saying she could draw that. I told her I was sure she could and if she put together enough art we would try and get her an exhibition in Corvallis. It was amazing how serious she was about it. Chelsea is a pretty mellow kid, but this really brought her out. Anyhow, we visited a cafe in Budapest called the Miro Cafe. The tables and chairs were very Miro-esque. I think that is the best application for Miro’s type of work, furniture. The paintings are too simple to take seriously but the furniture looks cool. There is a picture of the cafe on the Budapest page.

A funny thing that happened in Budapest has to do with me asking Patrick if he knew the Hari Krishna song. He said not specifically but that it was really simple. I decided I wanted to look it up on the internet so I could hum it at my desk. (I have no idea why this popped into my head on Budapest) So the funny part is the next day while we were walking to the Internet Cafe, a roaming band of Krishna’s came dancing down the street. Some were in the robes with the shaved heads, some were completely average looking except for the robes and some of them looked like they might have just joined the parade as they were leaving Sunday brunch. It was truly bizarre. One of those careful what you ask for you just might get it things.

I think when you buy a pair of really high heels the sales person should have to give you a lesson in walking in them. You should have to pass a test before you allowed to leave the store in them. Also it should be a crime for shoe people to allow you to leave the store with the wrong size. Sure, you are saying, how could they know? They know. Too often I see girls, usually around 20, that are wobbling along in a otherwise lovely outfit, making themselves look ridiculous in heels they can’t handle. If they stand still they look great but the effect is destroyed once they move, so what is the point. When I am made Fashion Czarina, I will have a Division of Shoe Compliance. Those Platform Tennis shoes are the first to go. I actually saw a “lovely boy” wearing a pair of brand new ones at the gym this week. Arrghh!

I had a glass of Fresh Squeezed OJ in Budapest. It wasn’t nearly as good as the one I had in its sister city Vienna. In Vienna I had the greatest glass of OJ on earth. It was so good that when Patrick asked for a sip I said no. I slurped that last little drop out of the bottom even. It was SO good. The thing Patrick and I couldn’t figure out was where they got the oranges. It was the day after Christmas and f#$king cold out. Where did the oranges come from? Anyhow, the one in Budapest was not even close but it was good. Karstadt has a juice machine now and Patrick drinks half a liter a day. I read in Shape mag that it is less calories and sugar if you eat an orange than drink juice so I try and hold back. It is awfully good though. You would really like it Mom.

So another interesting thing I saw in Budapest (Patrick was in checking his mail) was a walking advertisement for a casino. Casino’s and Strip joints are big in Budapest. So are malls. You can see our mall pictures on the Budapest page. Anyhow, I was sitting outside the Internet Cafe (thank-god for those) and I hear a snare drum coming closer. Suddenly around a corner come 6 woman in baton twirler outfits. Little white skirts, blue t-shirts with the ad for the casino on it and white Nancy Sinatra boots. They had batons and were doing a simply little routine as they marched along. Two other girls were handing out fliers. They were dressed the same. There was the drummer, with drum harness and everything, and another guy walking along side. Body guard maybe? I thought it was creative advertising at least.

OK so the MOST amusing thing that happened in Budapest, happened to Patrick. It happened in the Spa at the Gellert Hotel where we were staying. First I need to tell you about the decency cloth. It is a 12-inch square piece of material on a string worn around the waist to “cover” you. The reason cover is in quotes is that it hardly functions. At this point it is more tradition. Makes one wonder about evolution though. So, he was in one of the steam rooms soaking up the steam when this guy comes in and sits down. We knew the Gellert Hotel Spa was a Gay big pick-up place, but this was amusing anyway. The guy sits down and strikes up a conversation with Patrick. They are talking about what they both do and that Patrick is an American when the guy says out of the blue, “So are you gay?”. Patrick recovers quickly (he’s use to it, I mean his toes are painted red for goodness sake) and says a polite “No, I am here with my wife”. The guy apologizes and they continue the conversation. Then a little while later, again out of the blue, the guy says, “So you don’t like boys then?”. “No”, Patrick says. Ok, the guy goes on with the regular conversation. Yet again, later in the conversation but just as randomly the guy says, “So are you big?”. Patrick responded in a noncommittal, non-response. The conversation went on a little longer before Patrick decided he wanted to move on to the next bath. In these spas you go from a steam or sauna room to a shower then to the next room or bath. He said good-bye to the guy and got up to leave. Patrick entered the shower to rise of and the guy actually followed him. He stood to the side and watched Patrick. We assume he wanted to verify “size” himself. We assume this because after a moment of observing he said “Very nice” and walked off. Amusing huh? I am always telling Patrick he is too nice. He needs to firmly tell men hitting on him that he is enjoying talking to them but if they will not refrain from that type of question he will have to discontinue the conversation entirely. Of course if he did that I wouldn’t have so many amusing stories to tell.

Now the information you have all been waiting for, the mall scene in Budapest. The most western thing about Budapest is definitely the mall scene. Magyars (what you call Hungarians as they believe they are decedents of the Magyar tribes) are really into malls. Mostly for the convenience. They are open longer than most regular stores and you have everything in one place. They even have the movie multiplexes going on. Teens hang out at the food court and everything. Except for the really strange language going on around you and the lack of quality stores, it felt just like a mall in the US. They are even open on Sundays! There was a Levi store, where I finally found the cool Engineered Levi dress in an x-small. It looked smashing so Patrick bought it for me. There was a KooKai which is pretty nice and not cheap, but that was it for nice stores. Everything else was very Wet Seal. Lots of very current fashion, really cheaply made. We had an amusing time watching the Wig Cart. This bottle blonde with way too tight spandex pants was trying to increase her ponytail. Funny thing was the ponytail wigs looked more naturally blonde than her over-processed hair. Oh there was a TGI Friday’s too. We had a nice time taking in the Magyar’s in their mall setting.

We did go to Manier. I got a really cool pair of pants and a black basque. The basque fits me perfectly. The women in the store said at least 10 women had tried it on and I was the only one it came close to fitting. You’ll see. It is perfect. The pants are faux fur in white and pale blue. They fit beautifully and I have a perfect DKNY white rayon t-shirt to go with them. I’m so fashionably happy. Even better yet, Patrick bought me this wonderful black pleats DKNY skirt (On SALE) yesterday. That’s the one above. Fabulous isn’t it? I love the way it rests on my hips. I am a little worried about losing too much more weight (read fat) on my hips and having it slip off. That would be tragic . Guess I would just have to get it taken in. Darn.

Well that is enough don’t you think? I hope you all feel completely caught up on our life status. I should be back in the Friday groove this month too. Look for The Poker Women page in July also.


My life has taken on a strange normalcy since my last biz trip. I’m actually home for a weekend and don’t have plans to get on a plane or visit an airport for a while. Patrick and I hung out on Koenig Strasse today and did virtually nothing. I read a book. It was great.

So a while back, on weekend when I was fighting Jetlag, Patrick went to a b-day party in Austria (cool huh?) On Saturday night they went to the local disco only to encounter some really interesting locals. This was how Patrick described the happy club goers…”He looking like a cross between the guy from Riverdance and the hicks that hang out in front of the feed store on weekends in Chico. When he got out on the dance floor, he seemed to be doing some sort of techno line dance. Amusing to watch”. Made me wish I had been able to overcome my sleep coma.

As I was walking home from the gym this week I passed a man and woman eating ice cream cones (did I mention it is raining here?) The interesting thing was what the woman’s ice cream looked like. It was two flavors. A light colored one and a dark one. She had been licking from the bottom and this caused the dark flavor to over take the light flavor which you could now only see on top. The strokes of her lips seemed to form tulip petals in the ice cream. I realize this doesn’t make sense but the visual was really beautiful looking. I know, it’s bizarre to think about ice cream licks as art but it was really deliberate looking. It struck me so much I stopped and wrote it down in my trusty book.

On a recent trip I was listening to “The Great Below” by NIN when as Trent sang “I will take my place in the great below” the plane dipped. Mellow dramatic? Yes but it was a clarifying feeling to me. For a moment everything came together. Am I overly obsessed with the music I listen to? Yes. But it brings me peace and clarity and that is what I am looking for in life. Besides, it is my web site and I can write anything I want.

Fashion in Germany is a double edged sword. People pay a lot more attention to their appearance. Men dress up. I find this nice being the Fashionista that I am. On the other hand it does create more problems than seen, say, in your average California city. People try harder here, and they fail harder here. In California it is Levi’s and Gap shirts. Hard to go too wrong though I have on occasion wanted to slap some guy or girl with a citation for wearing, some hideous, ill fitting, “retro” shirt and shoe combination with their perfectly aged Levi’s. Though disturbing it is hardly “distractingly” bad. Here in Germany it is an entirely different story. When someone fails, they fail hard. A citation wouldn’t be enough. They need to be hauled into jail and given 2 years of hard labor at Abseits boutique or something. Germans are very trendy. Basically their fashion sheep. If shiny skin tight red bottom-flare pants and “matching” purple halter top with metal ring for the neck is in, they’ll buy it. Much to my displeasure. For the most part Germans are in good shape, but that doesn’t mean they can all wear a size 2, which they seem to attempt. My “government” could make a fortune on fashion violation citations and “rehab” programs for some of these people. For me, it is truly painful.

Vain? Yes. Excellent fashion sense? Yes. So what’s so wrong with it? Picasso and Rembrandt made the world a more beautiful place by painting. I make it more beautiful by helping people dress better.

So above is the pink and black Betsey Johnson outfit I bought in Seattle. You know the one that made me fail on my fast. Great huh? My Mom was particularly surprised it wasn’t black. I did buy a black summer dress too. Anyhow, I realize my eyes are closed but it was the best of the pictures we took of me in that outfit. You all do realize what a personal sacrifice it is for me to take these pictures? I hate taking pictures but I am doing this for you.

utter failure

Yep, you guessed it. I was not able to overcome the pull of Betsey Johnson and Nordstrom all on one block. Not to mention my mom was there. We are all reduced to the pathetic forms we were in High School anytime we spend large blocks of time with our mothers. Don’t deny it. So above is the skirt I got at Nordy. I love it and it looks smashing I think. Tomorrow I will wear the skirt/top from Betsey so check back next week for the picture (it’s even pink so I think I should get some credit there).

I read in Jane Magazine (an excellent 25-40 something mag even if they do have cigarette ads still) this month that you will not go blind from just looking up at the eclipse. You really need to stare at it. The center of your retina goes first and things start to get fuzzy. Things don’t just suddenly go black. The Doc they interviewed said the “admonishment” got started in the 60’s when people were stoned and staring at the sun. I love to learn the history of random stuff like that.

So I really liked Seattle the first two days I was there. Then it rained. That was enough for me. Lots of coffee shops (Starbucks, Seattle’s Best and Tully’s)! There were two facing the Nordstrom store. You could actually see the enterance of one from the other. Scary.

So I am disappointed in myself for not making even 2 months on my fast. I simply have no will power when I try something on and look good in it. I’m vain. I’ve admitted that. But really why do I have to torture myself like this? Besides it not being good for my financial position (been traveling a lot lately), I don’t like the feeling of being so irresponsible. Sure, no one is perfect, but why can’t I get over this. I am willing to be imperfect in other ways (like my thighs). Can’t I just have this. I guess it is better than hating my job or having a crappy marriage. My keen fashion sense is well appreciated too. As for why not just ‘not try thing on’, what am I suppose to do when I see something as cute as the skirt above? Don’t even think of suggesting not going to stores. Let’s be reasonable. Maybe I should just change my fast to no buying in Germany?

I’ve been seeing lots of bad movies on planes lately. All on planes. I would never pay to see something like “The Wedding Planner”. The dialog was cheesy (kase kuegel!) and Matthew McC… seemed to be dreading his character. J. Lo was good but it was a bad movie to start. The support characters had the best lines. Coming back from Seattle I saw “Save the Last Dance”. It was kase kuegel too. White girl dates black boy. He teaches her to Hip Hop and convinces her to start her ballet again. I can’t figure out what she did for him except cause problems. The father character seemed supperfulous. All he really did was give her somewhere to live, to meet the boy. The only cool thing was the “sex” scene (edited for the plane). I thought the image of his dark hand on her pale skin was really beautiful. Other than that, I don’t recommend it. We did rent “Snatch”. Very amusing even if you can’t understand A WORD Brad Pitt says. “Pulp Fiction” meets “The Pink Panther”. Violent but not graphic. A “do you feel lucky punk?” speech. Good stuff Mayard!