All posts by heather

i wear my PPE

i am seeing covid pts now. i volunteered for the covid team on the home team side. i wear my PPE (and i am going to lose, like, 50 pounds from sweating). i take it off correctly. i isolate things in my car as much as possible. i take a shower the minute i walk through the door. i have a biohazard bag for my scrubs so they aren’t in my normal laundry. i use hand-sanitizer when i get in my car (even though i was wearing PPE) and when i walk though my front door. is it perfect? probably not. but it is as careful and i can be. i am comfortable with it. though i wear glasses, i am even wearing a face mask. the conversations are even harder. but it feels really good to help these families during these crazy times.

this week, i did have the first day since all this craziness started, that i felt sad and lonely home alone. i was sleep deprived. and, basically all i do is, work, bake and read. which isn’t much of a life. but also what SO many other people are struggling with. at least i get to go to work. it just makes me feel SO single. and trying to meet someone during a pandemic just seems like way too much work. but, you know, i am good at compartmentalizing and there is still a lot to do in american healthcare right now. (phoenix is offering $5200/wk for med-surg nurses to work in a covid ward. crazy, right?!)

strangely, i am not afraid of dying alone. as a nurse, a hospice nurse, i know my colleagues will surround me with support. but to die not having found love again is sort a bummer. but you cannot force it. and there is a pandemic. and i think my cats would be upset. even being home so much more they annoy the shit out of me wanting all my attention the minute i walk through the door. of course, snape did go to space yesterday.

CATS IN SPACE!!!
and splash down in the return capsule!

i rearranged my living room. i needed to look at something different. but i don’t like it. but i need something different. that’s all.

we had zoom bookclub and it was awesome. it was a murder mystery that i had read. there is a reference to how important hats are to a perfect societal femme. so we all wore hats. i changed mine frequently. and i ended in a mob cap. which was also relevant to the story. it as a great get together. and considering how much i hate driving, i might ask to attend most book clubs this way in the future.

i have lost weight and gained strength during the pandemic. i even get up a little early and exercise (the vast majority of the time. but not everyday). i feel stronger and things fit better and better. dyed my own hair for the first time since college. my bathroom was totally black. i was able to get all of it up except a bit on some grout next to the sink. ultimately, i did a great job! i highly recommend the #madisonreed color. and their shampoo and conditioner are great too.

have i mentioned how much i love my new shower? i love it SO much. consist water temp is the shit! but now i really want to retile and change the counter. hm. i am working a lot of OT… (i know, i should save if, for some truly bizarre reason, i get laid–off and cannot find another job…but new tile!)

i haven’t won my signature red lipstick since March. i miss my style. i have picked up a couple of fabulous dresses on sale recently. perhaps i will get all fancy and take pictures so at least people know i have them.

blah.

just your average night in the 1950s

and by that i mean, i stayed home and washed and curled my hair. isn’t that what what girls did on saturday night in the 50s?

i don’t miss people. staying home and baking and reading and sewing and varnishing the cats (what patrick and i would suggest to do when we couldn’t think of anything to do). i go to the grocery store once a week. i work. since the stay-at-home started i have started flossing every day, eating better (lots of fruit, still not enough veggies) and getting regular exercise. i think it is the lack of stress in dealing with people’s drama. also, it is that people are stupid and the stupid is showing extra a lot these days. i actually had a patient family member tell me that she thought it was “stupid-ass liberals making it up” (in referring to covid). i wanted to tell her one of our coworkers had it and another coworkers next-door-neighbor died of it, but you can’t do that. masks people. it makes a HUGE difference. i am very surprised by parents with young kids who don’t have them wearing masks. but, well, people are stupid. (and texas has had triple digit increases in positive cases for the last 5 days).

i told both my psychiatrist and my therapist i didn’t miss people. neither seemed too worried. my therapist asked if i thought the depression was getting worse. i said i didn’t think so because with everything go on, i felt pretty good. i don’t feel lonely. i do worry, as my friends start to interact more (even though it isn’t a good idea) that i will slow separate from them as i will have to stay home. i cannot risk exposing my patients if one of my friends get it and give it to me and i don’t want to expose my friends in case a patient or patient family member gives it to me. but i love my friends. i just don’t miss people.

so, i have a new shower. and by new, i mean, that the water now stays one temperature the entire time you take a shower! i had a plumber come out and redo the pipes and fixtures to make the flow steady and not vacillate! it is AMAZING! this is what old age is! consistent water temperature in my shower makes me SO HAPPY! i would post a photo, but it doesn’t really show anything. it has a new faucet but you wouldn’t no that unless you saw the old one. anyhow, of course, now i want to remodel the rest of my bathroom! maybe next year.

have i mentioned my cats are driving me nuts?