All posts by heather

a list or two

*edit: please add *make my own coffee to the “things i have started to do regularly since the stay at home orders”. i cannot believe i forgot that one!
**edit: please add *replace all the hollow core doors with solid doors and *get a new screen door so the cats can look out but the cool air doesn’t fly away to the “things i want to do to my home”. that last one would probably be the cheapest of all of them.

things i have started to do regularly since the stay at home orders:
*floss – i would say at least 5 day a week if not 6 to 7. seriously, i am into it
*exercise – 5 days a week consistently. ok it is just my 7 min workout but it has helped
*bake – i need more people/places to take my baked goods
*read – ok, that isn’t new
*play this stupid video game on my iPad – no i am not telling you what it is called. i deleted it.
*send postcards – ok, not as much as i want, but WAY more than i ever have

things i want to do to my home:
*have it professionally painted – get that purple spot off the ceiling where i didn’t notice i had my paint brush
*have a fixture wired to the middle of the living room – it needs a light above the couch
*redo my hardwood floors – i know i only just had the living room done. but it is too dark
*remodel the bathrooms! – master first, hate the floor tile, counter is original from 1969 (a wonderful year, granted, but it needs redoing)
*get a shade for the window in the kitchen – ok, this is easy
*solar panels for my condo – i doubt the HOA would let me
* more cat runways at the ceiling – like the famous cat house!

not sure what i would want to do first. probably the bathroom. but the fixture might be easier, cheaper and faster. paint would just be so expensive. but make a big difference (though i would probably have to have it all painted beige if i wanted to sell).

trips i would like to make:
*the amazing 80 new wave/goth concert that got canceled
*einstuerzende neubauten – concert in philadelphia that got canceled
*muetter museum in philadelphia
*cemetery tour – one of the planned routes i found
*an atlas obscura tour – they look cool and sound fascinating!
*ghost hunting trip to NOLA and Galveston – i’d want to go first class in NOLA
* europe to see my friends
*cat island off of japan
*vegas with my peeps – more ghost hunting!

things i want to master as a baker:
*cakes – weird, i know, but they always taste dry
*scones – amazing while they are still warm, too dense after they cool
*profiteroles – cause there ain’t nothing like profiteroles with vanilla ice cream and sauce au chocolat
*something fancy looking – but that still tastes amazing

i would like to point out that my editor didn’t have an obvious want to underline the headings of my lists, so i switched to HTLM mode and added them myself. so glad i learned that back when it was still mosaic as a browser.

what other lists would you like to see? no, i won’t give you a list of the best sexual experiences i have had. and how could i possibly rank my fluevogs?! or movies?! i always think it is bizarre to pick one favorite movie.

dancing naked in my living room

there used to be a club on saturday nights called Haven. it was held at Elysium, the goth club in town. all the best goth and industrial. had my 40th birthday dance night there. anyhow, it is closed for the pandemic (hopefully it will reopen). but, the DJs have been hosting an online club night on twitch. i attended tonight for the first time. AND THE MUSIC WAS INCREDIBLE! decided to do my workout, take a shower and go to sleep…but when i got out of the shower the music was STILL INCREDIBLE! so, i started dancing naked in my living room. i totally could have been one of those shadow box girls.

i have been doing home visits. not all Covid. in fact, few of them are Covid. and i really enjoy it. friday night i even offered to my pronouncements for on-call if they needed help (hospice nurses pronounce death but MDs sign death certificates). but the heat. in my car. trying to chart. it is MISERABLE. like SUPER miserable. and i worry about my car idling for the AC. and it is bad for the environment. the team leader i am working under asked if i wanted to come to home team. i told her i had thought about it and i would consider it from Oct – Apr.

seriously, i want to move. i LOVE Austin. my friends. my goth club. my work. the breakfast tacos. my condo (barbie goth palace as Lucy and i called it). but it is always SO hot. there are no seasons. winter is like Jan 2-4. i visit my winter coats in my coat closet. virtually never wear them. i am so tired of feeling sweaty all the time. and since i gained 25 pounds after Lucy died, then lost it again, my boobs aren’t as, er, perky as they used to be. so, for the first time, i deal with boob sweat, and it sucks. and it is just going to get hotter. and austin isn’t doing anything (like Phoenix is) to mitigate the increasing temperatures. ugh.

the other annoying thing in my life are my cats. snape is an asshole. scratches everything. decides when i need to get up and then starts scratching stuff and generally being an asshole. gandalf won’t leave me the HELL ALONE! i swear, remember the first 11 months she lived with me and i couldn’t even touch her? how she wouldn’t sit in a room with me? now she won’t LEAVE ME ALONE! like every minute she must be near me, being petted. drives me nuts.

ok, last annoying thing. (motherly types skip this paragraph). i miss sex SO much. like i feel a little bad for the next boy i have sex with. the switch will flip and i will not stop until we are both lightheaded and sore. seriously.

when i leave my house for things other than work (aka going to the grocery store or once in a great while joann’s for fabric) i dress up. of course, i have always dressed up. but it was always simply habit. i automatically did it. now, i am quite deliberate about it. below is a photo of me in my new hat. and in my outfit for our excursion to the cemetery (susan, christie and i have been twice, susan and i 3 times). and one of my favorite covid mask memes. goodnight.

a bit fuzzy, i realize. but look how cute that hat is!
another newish hat. carried my gothasol too!
um, yeah. what freddie said.

i wear my PPE

i am seeing covid pts now. i volunteered for the covid team on the home team side. i wear my PPE (and i am going to lose, like, 50 pounds from sweating). i take it off correctly. i isolate things in my car as much as possible. i take a shower the minute i walk through the door. i have a biohazard bag for my scrubs so they aren’t in my normal laundry. i use hand-sanitizer when i get in my car (even though i was wearing PPE) and when i walk though my front door. is it perfect? probably not. but it is as careful and i can be. i am comfortable with it. though i wear glasses, i am even wearing a face mask. the conversations are even harder. but it feels really good to help these families during these crazy times.

this week, i did have the first day since all this craziness started, that i felt sad and lonely home alone. i was sleep deprived. and, basically all i do is, work, bake and read. which isn’t much of a life. but also what SO many other people are struggling with. at least i get to go to work. it just makes me feel SO single. and trying to meet someone during a pandemic just seems like way too much work. but, you know, i am good at compartmentalizing and there is still a lot to do in american healthcare right now. (phoenix is offering $5200/wk for med-surg nurses to work in a covid ward. crazy, right?!)

strangely, i am not afraid of dying alone. as a nurse, a hospice nurse, i know my colleagues will surround me with support. but to die not having found love again is sort a bummer. but you cannot force it. and there is a pandemic. and i think my cats would be upset. even being home so much more they annoy the shit out of me wanting all my attention the minute i walk through the door. of course, snape did go to space yesterday.

CATS IN SPACE!!!
and splash down in the return capsule!

i rearranged my living room. i needed to look at something different. but i don’t like it. but i need something different. that’s all.

we had zoom bookclub and it was awesome. it was a murder mystery that i had read. there is a reference to how important hats are to a perfect societal femme. so we all wore hats. i changed mine frequently. and i ended in a mob cap. which was also relevant to the story. it as a great get together. and considering how much i hate driving, i might ask to attend most book clubs this way in the future.

i have lost weight and gained strength during the pandemic. i even get up a little early and exercise (the vast majority of the time. but not everyday). i feel stronger and things fit better and better. dyed my own hair for the first time since college. my bathroom was totally black. i was able to get all of it up except a bit on some grout next to the sink. ultimately, i did a great job! i highly recommend the #madisonreed color. and their shampoo and conditioner are great too.

have i mentioned how much i love my new shower? i love it SO much. consist water temp is the shit! but now i really want to retile and change the counter. hm. i am working a lot of OT… (i know, i should save if, for some truly bizarre reason, i get laid–off and cannot find another job…but new tile!)

i haven’t won my signature red lipstick since March. i miss my style. i have picked up a couple of fabulous dresses on sale recently. perhaps i will get all fancy and take pictures so at least people know i have them.

blah.

just your average night in the 1950s

and by that i mean, i stayed home and washed and curled my hair. isn’t that what what girls did on saturday night in the 50s?

i don’t miss people. staying home and baking and reading and sewing and varnishing the cats (what patrick and i would suggest to do when we couldn’t think of anything to do). i go to the grocery store once a week. i work. since the stay-at-home started i have started flossing every day, eating better (lots of fruit, still not enough veggies) and getting regular exercise. i think it is the lack of stress in dealing with people’s drama. also, it is that people are stupid and the stupid is showing extra a lot these days. i actually had a patient family member tell me that she thought it was “stupid-ass liberals making it up” (in referring to covid). i wanted to tell her one of our coworkers had it and another coworkers next-door-neighbor died of it, but you can’t do that. masks people. it makes a HUGE difference. i am very surprised by parents with young kids who don’t have them wearing masks. but, well, people are stupid. (and texas has had triple digit increases in positive cases for the last 5 days).

i told both my psychiatrist and my therapist i didn’t miss people. neither seemed too worried. my therapist asked if i thought the depression was getting worse. i said i didn’t think so because with everything go on, i felt pretty good. i don’t feel lonely. i do worry, as my friends start to interact more (even though it isn’t a good idea) that i will slow separate from them as i will have to stay home. i cannot risk exposing my patients if one of my friends get it and give it to me and i don’t want to expose my friends in case a patient or patient family member gives it to me. but i love my friends. i just don’t miss people.

so, i have a new shower. and by new, i mean, that the water now stays one temperature the entire time you take a shower! i had a plumber come out and redo the pipes and fixtures to make the flow steady and not vacillate! it is AMAZING! this is what old age is! consistent water temperature in my shower makes me SO HAPPY! i would post a photo, but it doesn’t really show anything. it has a new faucet but you wouldn’t no that unless you saw the old one. anyhow, of course, now i want to remodel the rest of my bathroom! maybe next year.

have i mentioned my cats are driving me nuts?