bad things are happening at work. we are closing half the bldg because they are putting apartments up next door and it is going to be loud and dusty. upper mgmt waited too long to deal with it and, for the time being, we have no where to go. so, our hours were cut by 1/3 and we were offered to “pick-up shifts with home team” which is NOT what we all signed up to do. i have a lot of holiday so i can not work and still make my minimum income. gonna have to get better at being good financially.

but another horrible thing happened recently. they fired our best unit clerk. they fired him because of stupid shit. and they still employee the unit clerk who sucks. who doesn’t do anything right. at this point, all she has to do is answer the phone and she doesn’t even do that. we are crushed. they have nailed the final coffin into morale at the office. we take care of the dying! why would you take one of the most joyful people away from us? the only clerk that does their job right?

my therapist is going to go nuts. she wants me to quit SO bad. we talked about other things i could do. i just want to take care of people at EOL (end-of-life). it is so meaningful. i meet amazing people, and families and hear incredible stories. no other nursing has been as satisfying. but HACH is the only inpatient in austin. sadness. had a weird case recently too. a man on bilateral VADs (ventricular assistive device). normally, you only have them on the left, but he had them on both sides. and he decided to turn them off. i didn’t turn them off. the VAD nurse did. but i was there. i pushed meds that made him comfortable as it was done. it was weird. i have never been part of such an active decision death. does that make sense? my boss said, “closest we have to death with dignity in texas”. i agreed. it was still, odd. but his wife was there and that is what he wanted. so we supported it. and the VAD nurse said she wants all her pts to die at HACH, because we take such great care and it is such a beautiful place. but not to the staff.

i am doing more this year. not staying home and reading as much. i am going to Dallas at the end of March for the Oddities Expo there (lovely booth girl for Morbid Curiosity), doing a ghost tour with booze (though not for me), cheese and fruit plates at Victoria’s Black Swan Inn in San Antonio, Cruel World Festival in LA in May, ghost hunting in Galveston at the end of May, Bauhaus in July, more oddities festivals in August, PopCats and maybe even World CatCon in August. susan and i may go to vegas in late September. then, to end the perfect goth season, Einstürzende Neubauten on Halloween in Philadelphia (where i will also, FINALLY, go to the Mutter Museum!) so, yeah, trying to get out more. though, i am doing a lot of it alone.

i am enjoying myself, but tired of being alone doing it. i did look SUPER cute tonight!