and it is ok.
had a great birthday. started with breakfast tacos in the cemetery. followed by a nap. then coffee with friends. then a dinner with an amazing surprise of a bunch of people i really care about and who really care about me. really. it was just amazing. followed by a haunted tour of downtown austin. the only bummer about the tour was our tour guide didn’t know enough about the servant girl annihilator (austin had the first serial killer in the US, even before H.H. Holmes in Chicago – highly recommend reading “The Devil in the White City” about Holmes and the Chicago World’s Fair). she should bone up. it would set her tour apart!
the group meeting me for dinner really meant the world to me. i have been feeling so isolated and alone since Lucy died. i am just not close to anyone. Lucy was my conduit. she was also my partner in home life. and that is a big hole. one i do not want to fill with a roommate. but a partner, partner. anyhow, apparently a lot of people bitch about me at work (cause i won’t help you for the 3rd time if you aren’t going to bother to learn how to do it yourself. and i might be night about it one, but by the third time, forget it). and yet we all complain about the same thing and nothing changes. blah blah blah. having people take their time to be with me on my birthday. without me having to organize it, was amazing. just amazing. it is funny how much it means to me to have someone offer to do something for me, with me, instead of me having to ask, arrange and plan. is this what happens as you get older alone?
get my first coloscopy on wednesday. woohoo 50!
have gotten myself in a little bit of a financial hole. i want to get out of that. and i want to work less. and i want to see my grief therapist. gotta pick which 2 out of 3 i want the most.
i do love my home very much. it is my space. it is all me and my style. it is so very comfortable as a result. a safe place.