so, at my last sit down with my therapist she asked how i was. i said lonely. i am sad because i feel lonely. she replied “we’ve got to do something about this. Loneliness kills.” and i replied, “yes, i read that research article too.”

Loneliness and Social Isolation as Risk Factors for Mortality: A Meta-Analytic Review

the problem is several things that build on themselves. i have a lot of monthly payments i have to make. which means i have to work a lot. which means i don’t get a lot of sleep. which means i don’t feel very good. which means i am not enthusiastic about dating. (and i still miss the boy).

it isn’t just dating though. i don’t have any close friends, really. i spend time with and talk with my friend Mathew pretty regularly (he is a regular reader) but he is married. my friend Stacy and i have started to do more things together. (note to self: do NOT forget the winter coat for HMart on saturday). i like some of my coworkers quite a bit. but they are married (or divorcing) with kids. with the recent struggles i have had, i have wanted to call someone. talk about what is happening. but i have no one to call. at least one i feel close to. whom i know values me as i value them. that is why this can’t be a boytoy or a playmate. i am not even sure it could be someone i was sleeping with. yeah, yeah, i have the body of a woman much younger than i am. blah, blah, blah. doesn’t keep me warm at night.

i do still enjoy dressing up though.

it’s late. i am tired. i should go to sleep.