i think, as we get older, this is the thing we start to run out of. the thing that makes us panic. it isn’t exactly money we are worried about, it is having enough of it when we need it. time again. being single? time. time is running out not to be single. i had a nice weekend. worked half day on friday, went to The Dinner Party event for 20- and 30-somethings that have lost someone close to them. then i went to a girls night, that was weird. next day to Hmart, had coffee, hung around. went to the store with lucy. i went to the going away party of one of our older, and beloved neighbors. sunday i did laundry, had more coffee, picked up drugs (from the pharmacy). then went to elysium to see my friend Luna who had moved to CO. for her job. it meant i had 4 hours, max, sleep before work today, but it was totally worth it. reminded ben he needs to find me a boyfriend. but then back to work today. crazy day. so busy. didn’t leave until 9pm.
weird time thought tonight though. i got a new facial soap product and though i do think my skin looks brighter, i am getting pimples (not really hard, painful ones like i did as a teen, just bumps). so i thought to myself: i’ll use the aveeno in the shower (old product) and then new one before bed. but that assumes i have time. i didn’t eat dinner until 10pm tonight. if i had to go to work tomorrow, i wouldn’t have taken the time to wash my face because i would be trying to do the minimum things necessary to get to bed as fast as possible. not enough time. perhaps, if i were a more perfect nurse, i’d have had my charting done at 7:15pm. but i get up and help people a lot and spent 3 hours on something i shouldn’t have had to spend 3 hours on today. which reminds me i am running out of time.
the difficulties of midlife is not money or status, it is time. never having enough time.
(still thought of him today. sheesh.)