Daily Archives: February 17, 2018

what to say

i think i used to be REALLY busy. but i can’t figure out with what. perhaps it is simply that i have not been working 4-5 days a week. or that my days off have been in a row. it’s nice. i worry about money, but the downtime is nice. not feeling rushed or physically overwhelmed. perhaps this is what comfort and contentment really feels like? or maybe it is the meds.

i continue to hang out with the boy. i really like him. i just enjoy his company. the sex is quite nice as well. but we are just spinning in place. spent the most of a weekend together and didn’t have sex once. which was weird (and a little disappointing). it seems i have inspired him to make some changes around the house. an armoire, a buffet (sideboard) and a new big chill fridge have been purchased recently. this was after the couch. he seems to be taking more control of his life since we started hanging out. i have seen this happen with people i hang out with before. part of me thinks it is just having someone intimate that causes you to reflect. but i have seen it in female friends too. perhaps my activity level makes people feel lazy and they have to do more? which i don’t agree with. anyhow, it is terribly cute to hear him talk about how things will work. we talked about colors to paint the kitchen after the fridge arrives. it was nice.

i went to see Trevor Noah and The Liberal Rednecks WellRED tour. both awesome. we have comedy festival here every april. i have thought about getting passes but it seemed like a lot for comedy. laughing is good for people right know though. i often wonder whether this feeling of fear and disaster i walk around with is how conservatives felt while Obama was president? we weren’t unnecessarily taunting north korea, but we weren’t fighting them either. the Obama administration, and specifically the president and his family had NOT ONE scandal during their entire 8 years. it’s hard to understand how conservatives can feel better with Trump. i asked my conservative coworker that hated Obama if she thought Trump was “stable” and a “genius”. she wouldn’t look at me, but she said “I do think he is stable and a genius”. *sigh*

random minutia:
-i am behind on my book reading goal for the year
-i love my cleaning lady
-been going to the gym on my days off
-AH!

i have been experimenting with food. went on the BRAT diet to try and stop food from flying out of my body. haven’t been sick since last Sunday (started Monday). but haven’t eaten much. did have BBQ (no problem) and Sushi (little effect). had an Amy’s cheese burrito with beans and corn. no pain but some pressure. i am really afraid it is breakfast tacos. i know sugar is a problem. to be blunt, soon after imbibing in sugar, i get gas-y. like FAST. but, as we have talked about before, i work in health care. sugar abounds! i want to add more foods but i don’t know what to add. i need to start getting more protein. but how? some friends have suggested soylent, but i really want to eat food, food. lucy contemplated greasy foods being the issue. kyle suggested my gal bladder. it all started with the meds. can’t go off the meds yet. or then we have an entirely different problem. i have gone below 140, which i have wanted for a long time, but it won’t last and my body is going to start saying, “er, we need more food so we are just going to slow that metabolism WAY down”. it would be nice to be able to eat like normal people.

damn, i am middle aged.