a boy that i like

so, there is this boy. we met YEARS ago on OKC. we went on 2 dates, at least i remember two dates (he only remembers one). he didn’t talk much. he offered to rub my shoulders. it was odd as we had only hung out once. one of those weird “too much” moments. we remained (mostly at my effort) coffee friends. recently, i am not sure why, i saw some of his posts and thought “hm, maybe he and i should go to a movie and catch up”. so i invited him out. and he TALKED! it was super cool. totally held a conversation. in fact, we went out for coffee after the movie and i had to call it because it was 1am and he seemed like he could go on for hours (having coffee and talking). so he went on holiday to praha. he invited me over for a movie and we had to make a pillow fort of sorts to sit on in his mancave as it doesn’t have multi person seating. twice, he has mentioned our first “and only” date. i think after i messaged him again after the movie was the first time. the second time was after a second movie watching. just before we started making out. it felt like he was suspicious of the sudden interest. which makes TOTAL sense. and i told him that and that i understood if he was suspicious but he has changed and he talks and i just really enjoy hanging out with him.

he is cute (always thought that), smart (with more accolades that i realized), fun, carries on great conversations (now) and is a fun playmate.

yes. there is a catch. of course there is a catch.

there is this girl he has been friends with for about 3 years that he is “obsessed with” (his phrase). he is very open about it. told me the second time i spent the night. ┬áso, heathershair reader, you are probably saying “ditch that guy!” and the being obsessed with a girl for 3 years but not really pursuing anything is a bad sign. so i told him i was putting him in the category of boys i like that aren’t available (4 of them in Austin). this time, though, i’d like to be playmates with this boy. if i can do it safely. with the others i have been concerned i would latch on too much, not stick tot the rules. the rules are things like; no spending the night, no going out, just the getting together now and again (i prefer once a week, but schedules may prohibit that) and playing and going home. dinner and sex, basically. the last two playmates i had that turned into boyfriends were SPECIFICALLY not suppose to be boyfriends. they both had red flags. one more than the other. and when i talk about those relationships i say to people, i should have followed the rules. so i am going to try and follow the rules. cause i enjoy his company and i’d like some intimacy.

meh. makes me sad. boy has made comments about wanting obsession girl and sidelining me when obsession girl shows no inclination (as though it is a foolish thing to do). my reply is “you don’t like me that way, you like someone else, that is totally reasonable. it is your heart”. and i believe that. moderately secretly (i basically admit it to myself and my therapist) i’d sort of like boy to decide i am more awesome (i mean, i AM awesome). but the 3 year obsession may be a bad sign in terms of dating behavior. boy has made numerous derogatory comments about himself as a partner. i just tell him to stop. i tell him i just like him and whatever, the rest doesn’t matter because we are just playmates (though self-deprication can get VERY annoying).

anyhow, for the first time in a LONG time i found a boy i really liked and he is obsessed with a friend. oh well. perhaps things will change or i will find someone else. until then, i am enjoying the sex.

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