so, went to death salon and riotfest in the last two weeks. death salon was great. lots of new interesting information about better ways to handle bodies after death. one is called aquamation (which is what i want) – it is cremation without flame. it uses water and alkili to dissolve the protein. really interesting. the other is called recomposing. basically, it is what it sounds like. composting of humans. it isn’t available yet. but it really is super cool. though i want to be aquamated, i want there to be ashes to spread some places, going back to nothing makes sense. it isn’t the body it is the person. yes, i want to be spread, but it is the memory of the places. i know i will end up in the vacuums of my favorite clothing stores in europe, but that is sort of the point. they are the places i am part of. it’s cool. we should all think about what we want to leave behind. it will help us think about what is important until then. perhaps that will help us enjoy things more now.

the NIN show at riotfest was one of the most beautiful moments in my life. new order was before them. they obviously still hate playing live, but they sounded great. a strange thing happened though. i went on this trip alone. met a friend of a friend (and his angry brother). which was nice, but not entirely necessary. stayed at the W. didn’t have to really plan to be anywhere. timing was my own. the festival VIP tickets were worth every penny. and i loved being alone. it was GREAT! it was freeing. it was freedom i am just not experienced with. why? why as this so great? what does it mean? is this a bad sign, even if it felt good? not to be overly cliche, but i am seeing my therapist tomorrow and i plan to ask her. but it was a rest i needed and all to myself. anyhow.