i work full time at my dream job. i get to take care of people who are dying. but my company is SO dysfunctional. our NP left and they brought in a rotation of 3 doctors. they didn’t consult our director. they didn’t ask the nurses anything. i had an argument with the jerk doctor about why/how people aspirate. he said “people only aspirate on their own secretions”. i have a pt WHO ASPIRATED ON A PORK CHOP! he said “our pt isn’t going to eat a pork chop.” THAT ISN’T THE POINT YOU ASS! the director is avoidant (with good reason). we were short staffed today. and then when night shift came in, one of the nurses, one that I ADVOCATED FOR WITH OUR BOSS JUST LAST NIGHT, was SO rude! wtf? i had my first shift back at St David’s this week. i really don’t have any feelings for the pt group, but i love the organization. they make me feel good. they are nice to me. today was SO disheartening. we were short staffed. census was low. our NP left. we are short staffed again. it just feels like it is always something and it always will be. this is the work i LOVE but the environment is abusive. i am afraid to go to work because i don’t know what horrible, disappointing, sad thing will happen. and i don’t even mean the people dying. why can’t it just be good? why can’t i find a functional place that inspires me? well, late. should sleep. night.