picked up half a shift

which was a mistake. it was 11p-7a. my team was cliquey and i had way too much time to think.

saw Lawrence of Arabia in 70mm yesterday. it was amazing. i’d forgotten half the film. lawrence was crazy and his death TOTALLY ironic. but damn, he was great.

saw it with a friend i have considered in the past. he is a processor like me. always a pleasure to talk to. but i’ve always felt there was something off. still feel it.

haven’t been excited about a boy in years. you know, the tingly “will he call” feeling. i’ve asked this before, is that a product of age or not meeting the right person. don’t get me wrong, i REALLY like kyle. but it just takes too much. sean and i talked about whether we grow older and lose the ability to be flexible, to compromise, to put up with things. or is it statistics? smaller pool of candidates. do we get into things easier when younger and the inertia to get out is too weak? am i one of those people with incredible inertia? or does the strength to avoid things get better as we grow older? whatever it is, i am single. and lonely. i’m awesome, but i am lonely.

i am working a lot in the next 4 weeks. good way to avoid. good way to dig out. good way to fund my oct medical procedure.

went to the gym saturday. it hurts to breath deeply. i’ll go back today, hope to warm the muscles to a level of comfort. snuggle with my cat first.

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