my hair is so long the only way to really manage it is to braid it everyday. but i don’t really have time. i really need that personal assistant now more than ever.

tonight i have stayed home to comfort myself. nachos. sat in the throne. cat at my side. milka chocolate. but i am still sad. i was going through the photos on my iPad cause there were duplicates. and there were photos of kyle. he has a great photo face. there is a photo of him with gandalf too.  she misses him. at least she is super attention deficit. anyhow, just expressing.

i am really torn about my trip next week. i have NO problem hanging around NYC by myself. but i don’t want to go to the festival alone. on the other hand, i am afraid i will just spend all of next week alone. because i don’t have any close connections right now. of course, it is my lifestyle that does this to me. anyhow, i’ll maybe read some books and pick up some shifts. i feel connected working. but i need to make sure that does not become my only existence. i know nurses like that.  they are great people but it is not good.

basically i feel content inside. but it feels odd too. so maybe i am misinterpretting something? or maybe i just don’t know what it feels like to be content? or maybe this is middle age? or midlife crisis? i am worried. but my therapist (how cliche!) thinks i worry ahead of time too much.