maybe i have a new day job. that would be nice. new stress, different stress. work i really want to do. organization isn’t the most healthy. but my favorite pt base and normal(ish – they are still 12s) hours.
relationship thing ok. still some peculiar things. but talkable. perhaps a trial living together. modified slightly. i need to explain the concept of “being”. we have different definitions of “being”. i want the comfort of being there. he seems to need a lot of direct interaction. but perhaps that is because of my hours. i am approaching it a bit too cerebrally i think, but it is an attempt. baby steps.
at 47 does my blog get boring because my life is finally ok?
things are good. tonight was “jaws on the water”. it was a blast! kyle and i accidentally slept for 14 hours last night (went to Total Unicorn then dropped donuts at this office, got to sleep at like 4am) and then sorta rushed to the event. they had a great shark slip and slide and you could get a shark bite temporary tattoo. the water was warm and the inner tubes were awesome looking. i’ll upload some photos later. next weekend is flight of the concords, then weird al, then the new ghostbusters. i am getting my tummy lipo suctioned the week after that. july is gonna be busy. but awesome!
it was touch and go there for a while with kyle. we went to talk with his therapist. i can hold my own but felt he needed some support. it didn’t feel like he listened. then he got pissy because i didn’t text him before going to work (never mind we had texted until like 10am that morning), then all i got was terse messages, then he says he didn’t even know if we were dating anymore (my response to that was “you will KNOW if i break up with you). all crap i simply don’t want to deal with. i wanted to date because of how comfortable we were together, how old married couple. this was like dating in high school. so we had a serious conversation on a tuesday night. i said i didn’t feel like he was listening to me and gave him several specific examples. i explained how exhausting it is to fight the voices in his head. i needed to feel like i was getting something from this relationship. i asked that we just do our own thing for a week, so he could talk to his therapist and i could get a break.
then i went to the LA CatCon! and told him he could go stay with gandalf to keep her company. which he did. then i texted him because i needed his t-shirt size so i could buy him a (3) t-shirts! and some cat creepers. he was asleep on my couch when i got home. and he left me a card. i had to work that day (it was rough). he offered to make me a healthy dinner since i wouldn’t have time for anything before work! the card was awesome. i did ask a few days later why he suddenly agreed that he hadn’t been listening to me. he said i had some very concrete examples. it felt nice to to be heard. and i haven’t felt pressured or stressed since then. oh, life isn’t perfect, there will certainly be ups and downs, but i felt heard and that is a huge thing. for as much as i talk, i do often feel people just let it in one ear and out the other.
i suppose the next test will be our trip to the afrofest. travel is a test of any relationship though.
4am. i really need to stay awake one more hour at least. guess i’ll read my US Hist 2 text.