NRE is what makes poly hard. when you take on a new partner, everything is new so you want to put all your energy there. new is exciting! it also passes, and the key to making sure the primary relationship stays intact is to remember that and not forget your primary partner. in my opinion.
i am in a consciously monogamous relationship, and consciously entered relationship, for the first time since high school (thought patrick and i were monogamous for a long time, it was another sexual relationship that “got out of hand”. by that i mean i specifically said i didn’t want a relationship, we started having sex and then we ended up married…which i don’t regret AT ALL. it just makes what is happening now so different). and i am surprised by the feelings the relationship gives me. it isn’t the traditional NRE feelings. though learning Kyle’s body is certainly exciting. it’s just the comfort of it all. i smile a lot. i feel myself grinning all the time. regularly, i just stop to kiss him. because the connection feels wonderful. my previous sex-first relationships felt pleasurable. this feels comfortable. which, in this case, feels like a much better thing. don’t get me wrong, tonight’s orgasm was top notch(!) but the way my body just sighs and relaxes when i see Kyle’s face is far more satisfying. do i regret my sex filled adventures? hell no. my life’s path has been awesome. but i find myself somewhere now more appropriate for my age? life period? goals? though self-assured, i have been so nervous for so long, it is really nice to be relaxed.
(it can’t all be candy and rainbows) on the other hand, i worry about things lasting. not for any specific reason but because my marriage ended (i don’t think of it as a failure, we did great things!) and i don’t have a great relationship track record. and i am 46 and just learning a lot of relationship things to learn. communication to practice. things that are important to me i need to express in a constructive manner but stick with in terms of getting. i am optimistic though. knowing Kyle as long as i have (almost 6 years) makes things less scary. i feel i do know him fairly well to start. and i take things to my therapist first (at this point) to get tips on how to talk about things. i have, so far, conquered, blurting out. i’d like to keep going this direction.
did i mention the orgasm was top notch?