i have a date tonight with someone i have had a crush on since i met him.  he’s married.  but their poly.  but i don’t want to be a second.  i want to come home to snuggle. so why am i having dinner with him?  because it makes me tingle, i suppose.  and i like to torture myself?  i am also going to see the new star wars tonight with another friend.  he has a crush on me, but i could EASILY be his mother.  whatever.  so i was wondering, as i haven’t had sex since June or July (can’t remember which, but i do remember i did not orgasm that last two times i had sex) should i masturbate before going out?  my concern is i am sexually frustrated enough that i might abandon my pledge to avoid “play partner only” sex since i am already super crushing on this boy?  but if i take the edge off before going out, well, that might help me stay in the right mind.  then again, another part of me (the stupid irrational part) thinks what if he makes me a WONDERFUL offer of relationship and i get to have sex tonight?  then it won’t be quite as tingling because i took the edge off.  meh. i think i’ll just nap.

(got to details on my $3,500 bonus to stay at St. David’s…it is over a two year period with the last, and largest, payment being two years from now, 12/17.  first bonus, $500, in 30 days, next at 12 months, next at 18 months last at 24 months.  i could totally see myself staying that long, but it is kind of a bummer.  i could totally use that money now.  the raise is still effective immediately)

(HACH is looking for a full-time day shift nurse.  i talked to the boss, holly, and her comment was “I don’t want to lose you as a PRN nurse”.  which feels weird, but i am reliable and some of her regular people aren’t.  i am happy at St. David’s and holly said she could probably give me a regular shift once a week, so i am cool with that.  gotta make some new scrub skirts!)