went to see the new bond film tonight.  my goodness i left aroused.  between bond himself (played deliciously by Daniel Craig) and Q.  OMG Q!  nerd heaven.  he has a mortgage and two cats.  swoon.  how i long to watch his nerdiness then periodically molest him (in a completely consensual way)  the movie made me sad too.  sad because i miss europe.  sad because i longed for the characters to be people in my life.  to have strong people like that in my life.  i didn’t even do that when i was young.  perhaps i am creeping more into being depressed?  maybe now, when things are balancing out, i am slowing down enough to be depressed?  wouldn’t that be unfortunate?

the 29 year-old (who goes by Trae) wants to be my slave.  i made the mistake of mentioning how my roommate Lucy and i were wishing for one a few nights ago when we didn’t want to get off the couch but were hungry.  i told him i want an equal partner.  that my job holds so much responsibility, that i don’t want to come home and be responsible for someone’s emotions.  i come from the BDSM camp that thinks the Sub holds all the power.  the Dom has ALL the responsibility and all the Sub has to do is what they are told.  their needs are completely seen to by the Dom.  i don’t need that responsibility.  Trae did say that he does come home sometimes and just wanna take off his pants, watch tv and eat pizza.  that it isn’t the lifestyle 24-7.  i don’t know.  i find him quite attractive.  we talk easily.  he loves to dance.  he’d go to my things with me.  he wants me, and it doesn’t feel entirely sexual.  which is nice for a change.  of course, perhaps, because of his inclinations, his desire is muted?  his first play partner, when he was early 20s, was a 50-something year-old nurse.  he said it was wonderful and he was sad when she moved away (she is a travel nurse).  i don’t know.  initially i went to the coffee to say it was over.  but he made me feel comfortable about him.  that is new as well.  now that i think about it, i haven’t felt comfortable about a potential partner in absolute ages.  i feel like i could let me guard down.  though that may not work as he is a Sub.  hm.  i’ll talk to people.

tomorrow is the goth ball.  i haven’t completely decided on my outfit.  i am planning fabulousness.  isn’t that just what i do though?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.