i can’t sleep.  since i started at St. D’s and went back on night shift, i can’t sleep.  i don’t have a problem falling asleep, but i have an issue with staying asleep, and having restful sleep.  finally i went to the MD.  she suggested trying melatonin first.  doesn’t seem to be working.  i’ve gained 15 lbs.  i have belly fat.  i can’t think very well.    it’s horrible.  i am miserable.  i have belly fat!  i am so tired.  this sort of blows my mind.  i have never been so controlled by my body before.  i just want to work and live my life.  why is my body turning on me like this?  i talked to my therapist today.  she suggested, not a sleeping med but an antidepressant.  she suggested it would help me sleep and even out my emotions.  they also have less side effects than sleeping meds (e.g., ambien, trazadone).  except squishing my sex drive.  but, as i don’t have a boyfriend, and boytoy is going to be leaving town soon, well, what difference does it make?  and if i can get the sleeping under control, well, then i go back off it.  how do i feel about joining the multitudes on anti-depressants?  odd.  weak. but i want to sleep SO badly.  i want to feel good again.  i want to be able to think.  getting old sucks.

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