i am generally a very positive person. i am the optimist in my group of pessimist friends. but today, as i return from another night of struggle at the office, i have a hard time believing. i got stuck with a needle at work (pt was clean but i can’t donate for a year), i am financially strained to the absolute end, i have a relationship that is more than lovers but not quite partners, i am gaining weight and can’t generally get control over my body. i am just so tired of it all. i want to go out and be with friends, but i want to sleep. i want to eat right, but i need emotional boosts at work. i want to learn to run, but i am so tired. i want my body back but i haven’t the will. i want to stop feeling like i am on an edge. keeping everything in the air is getting so tedious and i don’t know that gravity won’t win in the end anyway.