i believe my management is trying to tell me to chart on my own time.  they have been saying we can’t have ANY overtime, and yet i had 2 admits in the hospital this week (which take extra long), plus picked up a new pt from my coworker creepy guy (who couldn’t remember anything about the pt).  and tonight i had a death.  i happen to be there for it.  i was dropping off medication.  i am sure i will get “talked to” about it.  i have talked to other nurses, they basically work on their own time or cut their visits short.  charting at the pt is not practical as logging on takes about 10 min, and with most pts there is no “sitting at a table.”  i want to work for a hospice organization that gives us tablets.  checking boxes while at the pt’s house would be awesome.  detail could be added quickly at a later time.  anyhow, i love my job, i was very glad i was there for my pt family today.  it was a different experience.  i wish i could go into it, but i can’t.  ask me next time we have coffee and perhaps i can give a generic example.  but how do i deal with mgmt that is giving us more of a load than is reasonable to complete in the 40hrs a week we are given?  do i go to HR and ask if what they are doing is legal?  i can’t imagine them firing me, my pts have rave things to say and the case managers at the hospital love working with me.  but i don’t think it is about being rational.  how do i deal with this?  grin and bare it because i love my pts?  isn’t that letting mgmt abuse me?  i am not good at that.  rock the boat and put myself at risk?  another issue, the rule “you must chart at the office”  i have asked other nurses about the rule.  one heard about the rule and ignores it.  the other two had not heard of it.  our TL tracks our comings and goings.  seems punitive to me.  and a pain in the arse.  pick your battles, i know.  but i worry if i give too much, too early, it will be a harder battle later.

the boy search still not going well.  invited a male friend to see “Brazil” with me (damn that is a fine movie).  but it was a school night and we were both tired after.  and still, i am not sure i am really into him.  he seems a very good candidate, expect i am just not into him.  i am just not sure that is anything how it works at this late stage.  and yet, i have confirmed for myself that i will NOT settle.  i will find someone that thrills me.  i find myself longing for someone to simply share my day with, to relax into.  do i want them to be loving and fun and good in bed and smart.  heck yeah!  but i would really like someone to relax with.  am i overly full to constantly moving emotions?  isn’t everyone like this?  i envy my friends that have been married a long time.  i just need to keep breathing and keep saying to myself “there will come a time.”

meh.  there was more to say, but my old brain can’t remember now.