my site got hacked.  sent out TONS of spam.  my hosting service was totally not helpful.  so i am now hosting somewhere totally new.  it is top secret though.  of course, i have to rebuild things now.  and that will take a while.  i need new men in my life too.  as much as i adore those that were on my page…most of them live VERY far away.

ANYHOW…

i’ve been a hospice  nurse for a little over 2 months now.  and i love it.  and i am good at it.  i have learned TONS about disease and treatment.  i have been a part of a number of people’s lives.  it has been wonderful.  i have found my place and it feels great.

i need a relationship change.  i am going to make that change.  it has been terribly discouraging lately trying to meet men who are potential partners.  most of the single men my age have kids.  i don’t want to be a step-mom.  those a bit younger than me what to have kids still.  i suppose i can wait them out and see who is still available in a couple of years.  which is a terribly depressing thing to even think.  but the last 2 men i have been excited about have both wanted kids.  and i can’t do that.  not now.  i have a great life these days, and yet i feel lonely.  and that seems stupid.  part of it could be the families that i become a part of for a little while during care for my pts.  i really do sort of join their family.  i hear the good and the bad.  i struggle with them.  i hug them, i laugh with them.  i haven’t cried yet.  but mostly that is because i have a job to do when i get there.  and i concentrate on that.  money is leveling out.  life is good, but i am lonely.

i think i am getting really old.  because i am getting really boring.

going to an adventure party tonight.  we are supposed to bring an object and then make up a story about the adventure we went on getting said object.  i want to tear up some clothing, roll in the dirt, then fall against the front door.  when they open the door i will fall in and tell them to close the door quickly, the natives are after me.  when they ask why i will say, “because i stole their sacred religious icon” and hold up a starbucks cup or some other commercial item.  guess i should get on that…