there are two men that i am intimate with these days.  i have known both for a number of years.  one i have been playing with, off and on, since shortly after we met.  the other i have been playing with, quite steadily, for the last, gulp, 18 months.  i enjoy time with both.  and they both seem to want my time.  occasionally i have to balance time with the two.  but mostly it is easy.  our relationships are deeper than just friends, yet neither are truly suitors.  when we are together, at least for me, there is a comfortable intimacy similar to a committed partner, but there is no commitment.  i do want commitment, though i do not think it would be with either of these wonderful fellows (and i do honestly say they are wonderful).  but what i have is nice, very nice.  but i also think i need to give them up.  but i am afraid to give up what i have, for nothing until i meet someone new.  my time is limited and i, gladly, give it to these gentlemen.  leaving no time for others.  i am sorry, as i have talked about this quite a bit recently, but i need to keep saying it so i can make it happen.  but not until the end of march.  i have plans through then.

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