well, i will be a new nurse on the oncology floor at scott and white in temple, tx starting June 18th! i can’t wait for it to start. i just wanna get out there and start nursing. though it is nice to have a break, to just sit around enjoying myself, i want to be productive. i want to use this knowledge i have accumulated. i want to help people. i take the NCLEX the 26th. i am almost bummed it is so far out at this point.my study partner takes it next week. but i feel confident.
i moved into my new home. i am living in the tangerine dream home with amy. boy toy built me a loft bed. and though i keep bonking my head on the ceiling, it is fabulous. me and the kitties like to hide out up there. the underneath is my club house. i need to string some christmas lights and it will be perfect. i’ll try and take pictures of the spaces. i feel at home here. my cats have already worked things out with amy’s cats. the kitchen is kinda crazy (was remodeled by a singe male…there are 3 square drawers in total. no where for silverware) but i am making it work. it just feels comfortable, comfortable in a way that has been missing for a while.
i think my therapist is going to dismiss me soon. not in a bad way though. as you may remember, she had upped my visits recently. because i fell apart in her office about a month before school got out. but at my last visit when we talked about how things were falling into place, how i had a job offer and my move was in play and i was studying for the NCLEX. she remarked that all that was really open in my life was a relationship. while i was in nursing school, i was really looking forward to graduating and finding a partner and building my life again. but since i have finished, i haven’t been that keen on finding a partner. i am really tired. though i spent plenty of time by myself these last 3 years, i am still sort of burned out by it all and just want some time to myself. of course, i’d like to think, if i met the right person, i would be totally ready for a partnership. but i wonder if that is true. i wonder if i am ignoring possibilities? not going to think too hard on it. (and i have to admit that having the boy toy fulfills a lot of needs at this point. other than being danger prone lately, he is just so adorable.)
my therapist did say to me that i needed to find someone that was my equal. not someone that looked up to me or down at me, but my equal. i agree that most of my relationships have been out of balance. when i say “look up to” i don’t mean worship, i mean defer to. patrick generally looked to me for decisions. it was just our dynamic. she said i need to find someone that is willing to accept me, and speak up when necessary. i think that is the key. it is cliche too. communication. couples need to communicate. a friend recently got dumped by a girl he really liked because she was afraid to fall in love as a result of a previously horrible relationship. one of our mutual friends wrote about, how at this age, it is about finding someone that will put up with you and your quirks. i tend to agree. doesn’t seem like such a difficult thing to find. then again i am very quirky. somewhat overwhelming too. had lunch with a friend today, and he commented that i had a strong sense of how things should be. i replied that with certain things, like accessing my baking stuff, yes, i felt strongly, but that there was plenty of stuff that i really wasn’t worried about. i don’t think most people notice that because of my strong opinions on things i do care about. which is too bad. my therapist did comment it would be hard for me to find someone that was equal to me. guess when i do it will be great. at least right now i am not too worried about it.