another email from the mystery person.

It’s interesting to imagine the assumptions you make, said and unsaid, how and where they vary from accurate to wrong, the Truth and the Grey Areas, and all the gray clouds.

Perhaps I don’t think of you in the way you’re thinking I do.

Maybe this is just a ploy to see if I can get something coming out of your heart, without an audience, without ego ineither person’s way – ego shaping what the sayer says, ego affecting what is believed by the listener’s listening.

The little chance here to be ego-free would be ruined if anything were certain. The only thing you can be certain of is the obvious – I am curious just to know what’s going on in there, through this trivial question.

You don’t owe anything to humor me: I am Nobody, Now. But, I ask you: humor me. I just want to see what you’re made of, “in here.”

This is how I would have answered that question if I were in your position. This moment is real. Notice, for example, how this could not have been you.

It was 1994, and all you wanted was for me to sing Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, because you never heard it before. The scent of leaves falling was in the air, although that didn’t make sense as it was spring. The daylight is eternal in that moment, resting as it does in the mind. There is no weight to the world there. Just a smile. Sing it again, you plead. It’s so unbearably cheesy and embarrassing. We never return home. There is no memory of leaving this place. Yet it had to have been by bus since that’s how we got there.

my reply has been that they do not deserve my confidence for hiding as they have. i also mentioned that patrick and i used to “meow” christmas carols. i miss that.