it got worse before it got better

yesterday sucked.  u-haul gave me a ridiculous run-around. if you can’t fulfill my reservation, why let me make it?  i ended up with a 17′ truck when what i really needed was a 10′ truck.  luckily i was able to get katie’s boyfriend randy to drive it for me.  he was a god-send today.  her kids were put to work loading.  meant we didn’t have to stack anything.  the move was mostly smooth.  i lost a mirror, but my bed got altered.  i am going to have a house warming party where i invite people to vandalize my bed in the form of graffiti.  i need to change the marital bed.  another step away from my past relationships.

mo’s living room is full of my boxes and furniture.  once the vanity gets picked up, things will be manageable.  at least all the walk ways will be clear.  then it is just a manner of making sure the movers don’t pick-up the wrong boxes when they come in august to load mo’s pod.  kitties are still in belton. they come down here at the end of july.  i feel more calm having the move out of the way, even if we are crammed with stuff.  somehow it makes me feel more whole.  i still feel terribly sad and alone.  my friend ray read my blog and has been trying to get in touch with me.  he has a new-born baby and i feel he should spend time there.  more so, i fear that if i do take him up on his offer to help, and then suddenly he has to attend to his new family, i’ll just feel second-class again.  i want to be the most important to someone.  i am very loyal to my friends.  and while i completely understand why the majority of them put me further down the list, i think some of them should put me further up the list.  not that i expect people to drop everything for me.  but i want to sense my priority in their life.  i have mentioned the proactive thing, but there must be more.  i want something else and i need to put my finger on it so i can articulate it.

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