weird. had a new db added to my site and poof! a friend is looking into it. if you want to make a comment in the meantime, just email me.

this weekend was sad. maybe it is just that i have been so tired from all the work last week. but i still feel sad. i’d like to fall in love with someone that thinks i am so awesome that they think “damn it!, this girl is so awesome that i am going to fight to make it work between us!”. perhaps patrick and andreas both felt they did that. but that isn’t how it felt to me. it feels like they didn’t want to deal with it and when they finally did, it feels like it got “too hard” and i wasn’t worth it. i think i am worth it. i think my relationships are worth it. my guess is that i am too intense. with patrick, who is introverted, for the most part, and where we were when we finally ended up at the counselor, i can understand it was just pain for him. still wish he had tried sooner. i wish i had been worth the pain. with andreas, he is an extrovert. i had thought that might mean that would fight harder. but he is also a feeling person. more so than most men, i mean. and i guess that part is what i was too much for. it isn’t all their fault. it takes two to tango. but no one really asked my anything. they just responded to me. i don’t mean to hurt them or be too hard for them. i’m just me. and what is the point of me not asking for what i want? that doesn’t make any sense for anyone. at the same time, i don’t want to date someone who can handle me because they don’t feel. i like who i’ve dated. i just don’t want them to give up. i want them to fight for us. why won’t anyone fight for me?