i think i cried in my sleep last night. my eyes were puffy and very soggy this morning when i woke up. i was exhausted too. which was a bummer after such a great start to yesterday (went to bed at 9 on sunday, totally work up awake monday morning). here’s to being so tired tonight i drop dead asleep.

we did a simulation at school. our client had 2 days of vomiting and diarrhea before being admitted through the ER. i can’t really say more because a classmate might read my blog and it would spoil the sim for them. suffice to say, i was pleased with my performance and so was the instructor. she was really nice and encouraging. she said i was very methodical about my work and that would serve me well in nursing. that made me SO happy. it was nice to hear that something about my personality would be a benefit to my future career. and that a teacher was routing for us. certain someone is so negative all the time. while smiling even. i felt good about what i did too. ok, i spent more time with the chart than one normally would, but i was prepared and i didn’t forget anything critical. i can do this and i am going to be good at it (assuming i can pass the tests required to graduate…strangely, i am NOT worried about the NCLEX).

i am finally getting electrolytes. the pieces are coming together and having meaning. if i understand how the system works, i don’t need to know all the details. i can logic it out. i realized last night that physiology is my topic, anatomy not so much. it is way easier for me to remember bones and crevices when i know the logic of how they work, not the other way around.

one of my classmates, she is only 19, asked me today how i grew to be so self-confident. 2 reasons i said. one, i told her it was because i spent a lot of time alone as a child because i was “weird”. i didn’t relate to my peers and said strange things i shouldn’t. i pointed things out that, at that age, should not have been pointed out. i did this because i was forced to be a little adult because of my home life. being the weirdo meant you spent a lot of time playing alone so you had to get comfortable with yourself. two, i explained that my mother liked to embarrass my brother and i as much as possible. you get good at dealing with it in that case. also, i explain,d that when i know in my heart that whatever it is i did or said was the right thing, i am not overly bothered by people when they disagree. i don’t need to convince people. i try and work things out with people, if there is a disagreement or misunderstanding, but if they don’t like what i did, but i feel right about it, i don’t let it bother me that much. not worrying about what others think (while not disregarding them), helps to give one confidence. she admitted that she is a people pleaser. she can’t defend herself. i said “you can’t possibly please everyone, so be true to yourself”. i was honored she asked me the question. i found it sort of amusing too. i mean, she obviously hadn’t read my blog from last night. didn’t show a lot of self-confidence, did it? i still believe in me. i mean, i did say i was awesome, and i believe it. but, it would be unreasonable of me to suggest it doesn’t take two to tango. i am not perfect, i just believed we were on the way to better.

i am going to go home now and make cinnamon rolls for the guy who scraped my car window for me week before last. he was a life saver.