Monthly Archives: January 2011

so much to say, so little enthusiasm to say it.

today was awesome at school. we had a simulation. the patient is out of the PACU (post-anesthesia care unit), previous nurse coming off shift, need to check status and assess. it was AWESOME! i can totally do this. the only thing that really scares me now is emergency. i mean, it happens on every floor. i think slowly (which is different for me, my best place has always been in crisis). now, i want time to think. time to consider it. if i have time, i am pleased with what i got it DOWN! now i just need to practice writing things up like a nurse.

my relationship isn’t going so well. part of it isn’t me, it is just the situation, but, does that mean when things like this happen in the future, the same thing will happen? sure, i am worrying about a possible future. possible not future. but still. i like to protect myself. i think i take enough risks in my relationships. and really, how can it not be me? not that i am defective, i am not, i am awesome (though flawed), so it is just us then. *sigh*

listed to the VERY short state-of-the-state speech for CA tonight. governor moonbeam basically said “it has to be done people, there aren’t any other options. you got another idea that really will work, bring it on.” the republicans want to make it easier to do business in CA because “CEO magazine says CA is the worst state to do business”. yep, i definitely want mark and larry and carly and lee all making decisions on healthcare and education for the common man. right. i feel bad for CA though. very tough spot. of course TX is pretty bad off. and governor good-hair thinks the ID bill for voting is the #1 issue he needs the legislature to work on. right. and, sure, just take a bunch more money from the schools. 2 years ago he bragged about how great our schools were. last week he told republicans to take their kids out of the TX public school system. nice. i guess he is relying on all those people moving in from out of state to be the educated ones. i just hope congress doesn’t cancel my program before next december and my last tuition payment is made. on the plus side, Illinois made civil-unions for same sex marriages legal today. it’s a step, a good one. there are now 11 states that allow some sort of same sex union (and CA isn’t one of them…technically) yeah!

i am turning into a college student

i wasn’t even a college student when i was first a college student. and by this i mean, i wear pj bottoms. now, before you stage an intervention, i don’t wear them to CLASS. i just change into them when i get home. but i do. i WANT to wear them to school, but i would never do that. but in this program, i am just so warn out at the end. i have so much homework. last night, i took an hour and a half nap, then did homework straight until bed time. didn’t even make it to the gym. i couldn’t have done that in regular clothing. of course, on monday and tuesdays i have clinical, so i am in scrubs, and i want to change those. but i change into pj bottom and a sweater. and it feels good.

FB updates

it is annoying that since i can quickly post stuff to FB, i am getting lazy about heathershair. heathershair is so much more! i mean, seriously, what i have posted on FB lately consists of:

18 Jan 2039: gym done! must complete reading now. it is making more sense. but i found a conflict in the text.
20 Jan 1328:

20 Jan 1352: just as i expected…i was denied healthcare by United Healthcare for an individual policy. reason? unexplained migraines. and so…to the state i go… (that was the beginning of a really bad day. all sorts of things went wrong after this post)
22 Jan 1304: oh Temple Nursing classmates….an awesome video about our future!!!

22 Jan 1651: i wish i hadn’t read this. republicans hate the poor like valdemort hates muggles. a very canny set of cuts
24 Jan 1306: Nap. Then studying for tomorrow’s test. Then gym. Then more studying. You can check with me later. I swear that is the plan.
24 Jan 1711: Temple College is disabling my ability to forward my school email to my personal account. WHY? Because SOME people missed important mails when the forward failed. So punish us all?!
24 Jan 2128: Went to the gym just like I said I would. Now for that last blast of studying!
24 Jan 2054: Nurse Heather* with another satisfied patient! (*not an actual nurse yet) with the following photo:

see? not terribly exiting. but it takes the wind out of me to post little things there. btw, i have gotten up at 5:30 am the last two days. crazy, eh? though i don’t have class until 8 tomorrow, i am going to TRY and get up at 5:30 again and go to the gym. we’ll see.

my fur-babies

they have been especially cute lately. last night they were both sitting on my lap watching Life with me. they were really watching too. facing the monitor and everything. it was so adorable. i with there had been someone here to take a photo. i woke up yesterday with them spooning with me (only they were on top of the covers). it was me, then the capo, then optimus prime. they looked all bleary-eyed at me when i got up. “mom, wtf? it’s only 11!”

the bookstore was open

i figured, with the campus closed, the bookstore would be closed. but it wasn’t! and i got all my books! i know, not earth shattering, but awesome. my days aren’t terribly earth shattering these days.

i did bake 87 cupcakes today. ate 2 with frosting, one with out. the rest go to my classmates tomorrow. we start IVs this week. that should be interesting.

i have quite the perfect domestic thing going on here in belton. everything has its place. i bake. i make organic tv dinners for dinner. i fill my bento box for lunch tomorrow. bought an extra blanket for the bed today at target. wanna turn down the heater to save money. i like this little life. were school not going to start tomorrow, i would get bored, that’s for sure. but, for the occasional day like this, and to make my life easier, this order and simplicity is nice. it while make the chaos that starts tomorrow easier. i hope.

i meant to say something else stimulating. can’t remember now. getting old’s a bitch.

kitties nails

today i:
-did some errands
-drove troy to bastrop and did some errands (and he bought me lunch)
-got my TB test for school
-drove to Belton to see my kitties
-finished my application for health insurance
-bought kitty litter
-talked to my best friend on the phone about relationships
-watched “lie to me” on hulu
-cut the cats’ toenails
-took a bath

the most exciting item was cutting the kitties nails. i am petrified of doing that. and it went well. no one got scratched!

the days tick by

i am just not into updating my website anymore. it takes too much effort. i suppose if i were to move it to blog spot or something it might be slightly easier, but i like having my own URL, plain and simple. what i want is an automated way to update my fashion page. i have to cut and paste a lot of code. what i want is a form that will put it into the right format! something that will size my photos too. that would save a lot of time and make this more attractive. not that i don’t have anything BUT time right now. which is part of the problem. if i drop below a certain level of activity, i just stop. can’t be bothered with any of it.

crazy day today, eh? crazy guy name jared allegedly shots a rep in the head because she is too liberal. she is pro-gun rights, but still too liberal (i say allegedly because…guilty until proven innocent…if he confesses, i’ll come back and change it). sounds like the guy was just crazy, but i can’t help but think that the violent rhetoric of some of the conservative “christians” (who are not christ like) encourage these crazy people to act out. back before we had crazy mass media (the mass dead birds/fish? pretty common, just picked up by media suddenly so it sounds like the apocalypse) did we have more social pressure towards “appropriate behavior”? thus an action like this would never happen? or were things just so homogeneous that we never would have such differences in politics to piss people off so much? i have to admit, racism was considered appropriate at one time, and it obviously wasn’t, so i am not yearning for “the good old days” whole heartedly. i guess what i am missing is common courtesy which includes respecting peoples differences. of course, lynching blacks, or ostracized jews…none of those types of things were respecting differences. so maybe, people just weren’t that different. or didn’t point out they were. or maybe things like this did happen we just didn’t have the media response. maybe i am just getting old and reminiscing on days that never existed in the first place. but when i moved to chico, people you didn’t know said good morning to you on the street. and germany was really clean the last time i was there. and the french all have healthcare. i am just frustrated by all the anger and hate. i don’t get it.

another annoying thing…the new FB/Goldman deal. basically, when you are a private company you can only have up to 499 investors before you have to start reporting financial data. to stay under that number, but offer private stock to more people, FB and Goldman Sachs are creating a “special purpose vehicle” so the vehicle owns the shares, one investor, and people by into the vehicle, more than 500 people can buy in. isn’t this JUST the type of behavior that got us into the trouble we are already in? it is finding creative ways to get around proper reporting? responsible risk taking? and yet we take. the american people take it. the banks and investment firms are giving even higher bonus’ and the american people elect republicans. if my position weren’t so precarious right now i would sort of hope that the US goes bankrupt so the stupid conservatives that trusted the republicans to take care of them can go down just as hard. grrr.

but i am not going to shoot anyone over it.

i have very high expectations. even higher for myself than others. promises and commitments are of utmost importance to me as well. if you say you are going to do something, do it. if you don’t, i will lose respect for you. that will make being friends awkward. at the same time, if there is some problem, you can’t or don’t want to do what you told me you would do, well, best to PROACTIVELY talk to me about it. to ignore it is to make matters MUCH worse. this was a problem patrick and i had. i would ask him to do something, he would say he would do it, then he wouldn’t do it, then i would get mad. to me, as i look back, the bigger problem was why he couldn’t talk to me about why he couldn’t/didn’t want to do these things he promised in the first place. i realize that i am a very strong willed person. i have a very quick style. i can be very biting. but, then again, i think i also want to understand. he seemed to realize that at the end. after it was over. blame goes all around, i am not dumping this on patrick. this happens in my life regularly. because i do have such high expectations. society is a little more “let it slide” than i am. i think society defines failure more harshly than i do too. if it is a pattern, yep, it’s a problem. but if it is just a mistake, it is, who cares, you aren’t defective. let’s deal with it and move on. i think something of the things patrick and i struggled with. we were forced to dwell. he wanted to avoid, i wanted to deal with (these things being in conflict, not one being better/worse than the other innately). so, how do i avoid this problem in the future? i can be VERY explicit when i make agreements with people. agree on dates and conditions. but that isn’t really any fun. i can follow-up sooner. again, not any fun. i can do everything myself and not get into deals with people. sort of constricting in life. so how does one do it? don’t tell me you just let it slide and then never trust them again. that is not a nice way to have friends. and please don’t tell me to just let it slide. that isn’t good for the person you are in the agreement with (bad reinforcement) and puts one at risk. lastly, don’t say “don’t get into any agreements you can’t afford to lose”. i want to trust my friends/colleagues (cause we aren’t just talking lending money or something, this could be about a date or homework or loaning a vehicle or watching you cats). that is the world i want to live in. but i am not sure how to better avoid this disappointment/failure circle. any ideas?

i have a friend who is depressed. clinical depressed. and i want to help them. but i am not sure how. i have helped lots of people with problems and supported a lot of friends through trying times. but this friend is truly “i don’t feel like getting out of bed” depressed, and i am not sure what to do. i don’t want to push too hard, but i fear letting them just suffer. i don’t want to be overly outgoing but i don’t want to be a mutual downer. at the same time, the ups and downs are hard for me too. besides not knowing which one it is going to be, it is hard to switch as quickly as needed sometimes. so how do i insulate myself from the ups and downs while being there when needed, as well as, still having fun when the situation calls for it? i think i might call my therapist and set-up an appointment with her to ask advice. maybe she can recommend a book? i feel very weird about this. people talk to me. i have always been one of those people that people come to when they are having a problem. though some of you will laugh, i can be hard and soft as needed. a lot of people just don’t think i can be soft because they have never seen it. there was no occasion to. anyhow, how do i support my friend, maybe even help them with this super especially difficult time without being too much and also taking care of myself. suggestions? i really wanna help but i really don’t want to do something wrong.

current fashion photo is my custom vintage dress from easy. it was only there for months and months. i just couldn’t decide. then i bought it. and it was awesome. a little shorter than i normally like. i like to wear full skirts just above the knee and pencil style just below. it is part of my gothic donna reed couture. i need some black pearls. i love to vacuum. last night i made more coffee cake. my friend (and brilliant massage therapist kathy lee…seriously people, you need a massage therapist, she is your girl) called it the coffee buzz buzz buzz cake. i like that. bought 2 cake pans at HEB. they are AWESOME! my cake came out perfect. i think part of the reason i like this recipe so much is that it is my first really successful cake. made a cupcake version too. going to make those for the first day of class. they keep over night well too. damn, i love to bake.