assless chaps

i got my final hep vaccine dose on friday. and then i went to the gym. and i have been in pain ever since. called the 24-hour nurse line and they said without a rash or tingling, it is fine to just take pain killers until it goes away. i mentioned it to a friend tonight and she said her tetanus shot hurt for 4 days. it sucks. andreas and i rigged up a sling from 2 bondage restraints and a leather strap. the restraints were pink. no one asked any questions (which disappointed me, actually).

freshman english is frustrating but stimulating. i wrote a great essay on the wrong topic. the editors don’t work on the weekend in the summer. i don’t think the teacher realizes that. psych is dumb. i got 96/100 on the exam WITHOUT READING THE CHAPTERS. why do i have to take this? why doesn’t the teacher just give me an A?

the capo and optimus prime groom each other a lot. it’s cute.

i am going to watch the first season of true blood tomorrow with my friend rhia. i have read the books (not hardback price worthy) and am interested in the show. the books have a decent bit of sex in them. i hear the show is soft-core porn.

i had a friend write me a note this week where she expressed how much i had influenced her life. that i had taught her to have confidence in herself. that i was a powerful person that people looked up to, even if i didn’t feel it myself. it was a very kind thing to say. and i am delighted to hear the strength in her conviction for herself. on the other hand, this is one of the many people in my life who walked away. we bumped into each other again, and we are facebook friends again. it makes me sad too. here i am a important person in these peoples lives and yet, they walk away and i end up alone again. i do realize that i am a strong personality that can be exhausting to deal with. i realize that i ask a lot of others, though certainly less than i ask of myself. but it is sad to be me. who believes in me? ok, i know lots of people do, but who says ‘hey, how’s it going? everything good? you’re doing great you know! need anything? anything i can do to help?’ and then when i say yeah, a *insert helpful thing here*, they do it. i realize i am not good at asking for help. and i put on a strong outer shell. i don’t see point of bringing people down just because i am having a tough time. but i can tell when someone is struggling. when someone is working hard to out on a brave front. and i think i am pretty good at offering support in those cases. so whatever happened to ‘do unto others’? am i missing something? am i completely deluded? i’d just like it if someone were to look deep inside and see.

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