so in ‘about schmidt’ he signs up for one of those ‘adopt an african orphan’ programs. he sends money and writes letters. the thing that kept going through my mind was, ‘what is this company is a sham’? here warren, nicholson’s character, puts love and energy in this organization and child but what happens if it is all a fraud? if the kid doesn’t exist? how will that make him feel. besides feeling duped, i would feel like my emotions were stolen. i guess i a really really tainted at this point in life. i am certainly a doubting thomas. i want to touch the stigmata for sure. but with all the moral corruption around me, all the people in it for themselves, all the lying and cheating and deal making my management and our government representitives partake in…how can i maintain my faith? when everything goes on sale…how can i consider paying this price? see what i mean? i would much prefer a no-haggle, best price the first time, kind of world, but it doesn’t seem to be going that way. i would like to have faith, but i have been burned too many times. what is that you say? what about deferred gratification? well, yes there is something to say for that, but again, too many times, i saw too many good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people, for me to maintain my faith. i hate to ask for proof but hey, let me touch the stigmata, that doesn’t seem so hard. and yes, i realize that my lifetime is little compared to all enternity in heaven or hell, but i am a product of my surroundings and if i take jesus’ teachings to heart (because i come from a judeo-christian society) then i don’t fear i will go to hell. but i also don’t look like those self-righteous purveyors of god’s word and i’m ok with that too. so what is the point? i follow the faith but i ask for proof along the way and i struggle with whether those shoes will go on sale or not. i common terms, i do my homework and make my decision based on the available facts and what faith i can muster. sometimes this means some people don’t get what they should from me and some get more than they deserve but that is the best i can do with the system i face. feels like something is missing though…cheers.

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