what difference does it make

i just finished watching ‘about schmidt’ and i am left wondering again why i am plagued by this desire to find meaning. all my life, ok well for the first part, until like 12, all i tried to do was fit in but when i gave up on that, and since then, i have been trying to find the point! most people would say that i simply need to find god and then there is the point, but to the best of my knowledge i have to find god through man and that just doesn’t cut it. yeah i could go stand in a waterfall in tibet and achieve enlightenment but i bet it will really be hypothermia masquarading as enlightenment. anyhow, this movie is about my greatest life concern…that i will look back and it will all be meaningless. ok, well, schmidt was pretty suburban and i adore my husband, so i won’t fall in that same trap, but what about what i achieve? my job? my impact on society? i must keep repeating to myself that if i can influence those around me, i can influence the world. by influence, i don’t mean persuade to my thinking but simply cause to think. that’s all i ask. but in this movie, you should see it by the way, he determines that his life is a complete failure because he has nothing to show for his life and so many other people did so much more difficult things. but really, it is a different time and place and if you want to be super great, then work towards that, but if you just want to look back and know there was meaning…well i am not 100% sure about that, but i feel good so far, most days at least. i just need to keep talking to myself.

this is where i am now cyberteria

time to catch a train. i love the european rail system…cheers.

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