i just finished watching ‘about schmidt’ and i am left wondering again why i am plagued by this desire to find meaning. all my life, ok well for the first part, until like 12, all i tried to do was fit in but when i gave up on that, and since then, i have been trying to find the point! most people would say that i simply need to find god and then there is the point, but to the best of my knowledge i have to find god through man and that just doesn’t cut it. yeah i could go stand in a waterfall in tibet and achieve enlightenment but i bet it will really be hypothermia masquarading as enlightenment. anyhow, this movie is about my greatest life concern…that i will look back and it will all be meaningless. ok, well, schmidt was pretty suburban and i adore my husband, so i won’t fall in that same trap, but what about what i achieve? my job? my impact on society? i must keep repeating to myself that if i can influence those around me, i can influence the world. by influence, i don’t mean persuade to my thinking but simply cause to think. that’s all i ask. but in this movie, you should see it by the way, he determines that his life is a complete failure because he has nothing to show for his life and so many other people did so much more difficult things. but really, it is a different time and place and if you want to be super great, then work towards that, but if you just want to look back and know there was meaning…well i am not 100% sure about that, but i feel good so far, most days at least. i just need to keep talking to myself.

this is where i am now cyberteria

time to catch a train. i love the european rail system…cheers.

this is where i am right now…

http://www.czrb.cz/detail.asp?detail=12&code=1283

it is another coffee shop/internet cafe. verz nice people and i am going to buz some coffee to take home. as zou can see though, thez have the other kezboard. on well… we are just off narodnz not all that far from mz hotel.

i’m alone now in praha. friederun went home. she couldn’t get a flight for mondaz. i like being here alone. i can contemplate more. nice to have someone to talk to though. i guess mz absolute perfect travel mate would be a professional shopper who likes to otherwise sit around at coffee shops, eat sushi, stuff themselves with it, see the sites, though quicklz and sleep in. oh and preferrablz i can have sex with them. prettz much patrick is near perfect, though his passive nature is sometimes frustrating as i hate bein julie everz minute. he is such a perfect husband though, i mean without expecting perfection. i mean anzthing better would be perfect and that would be creepz. man, is mz brain out of it or what…

tomorrow i shall check a few more stores that i discovered in a magayine will eating fish and chips at the james jozce irish pub while watching arsnal vs. eventon (might have that spelled wrong). it was verz entertaining. then i will sit on the square, assuming it is sunnz and warm like todaz, and people watch. might walk up to the castle again to burn some calories. i might also ask about somewhere i can see a report about the floods from winter. i haven’t seen much that looks obviouslz damaged but considering the pictures i saw on the news there has to be pictures. thez have done a brilliant job of cleaning up. i had almost forgotten it even happened. cheers.

i am on my 4th internet cafe. this one is just off the old town square. the first was at the mall, then the next along the shopping pedestrian walk, then a cool coffee shop tucked away of narodni and now off the square. prices are about the same. if i spend an hour it is about $3. machines are the same. though everyone uses exploder!

today is beautiful again. i could easily be a low key ex-pat living in praha. i walked around randomly today. honestly, i was looking for a store and just got sort of happily lost. so many beautiful buildings. praha survived the communists so much better than warsaw. i suppose i might not be as happy were it the dead of winter, but if i had a decent job and made some friends and picked up some czech, i think i could be happy here for a while. it’s a weird feeling. i mean, i have no connections here and being no one knows me and no one can find me, it is as if i have no connections anywhere. it is an amazingly relaxing feeling. there is the war in iraq and i can’t deny for long my dumb gov’t. i certainly don’t want to deny my darling husband, but in a way it is easier to relax without him because i have no ties. nothing shows who i am or where i come from or what my life means. on the other hand i think it is easy for me to let go like this, because i know what i have and who i love. gives one strength. anyhow.

did you hear, eminem won best song at the oscars? but didn’t show up to receive it. i wonder why. poor randy newman has been trying to win for years (finally did last year) and eminem gets it first time out. cheers.